AlisonY - The Golden Years

Welcome all for another year of mutterings and perhaps the odd book bullet. If you've been in CR for a while you know who I am - good to see you stopping by. If you're new, my thread promises uneven levels of posting and a mix of fiction and non-fiction reads. I never read SF / fantasy / horror and seldom read thrillers, but everything else is a possibility.

I'm a marketer's dream for a good personal development book, and enjoy popular science NF books and other odd bits in between.

Personally this year I'm striving to find a bit more quiet space, as I seem to run from one thing to the next at 100 mph. I promise not always to be depressing. New Year makes me mildly maudlin.

Last year I read 37 books, which was a decrease for me, but as long as I'm always reading something I'm fine with that. You can find my thread at: https://www.librarything.com/topic/352609#n8332822

2024 Reading Track

January
1. In Memoriam by Alice Winn - read (4.5 stars)
2. The Science of Living: 219 Reasons to Rethink Your Daily Routine by Stuart Farrimond - read (3 stars)
3. The House of Doors by Tan Twan Eng - read (3 stars)
4. Seven Steeples by Sara Baume - read (4.5 stars)

February
5. After Sappho - Selby Wynn Schwartz - read (4 stars)
6. All You Need to Know About Menopause - Catherine O'Keeffe - read (4 stars)
7. Diary of a Tuscan Bookshop by Alba Donati - read (4 stars)

March
8. The Wolves of Eternity - by Karl Ove Knausgaard - read (3 stars)
9. I Lost Summer Somewhere by Sarah Russell - read (4.5 stars)
10. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion - read (4.5 stars)
11. I Shall Not Hate by Izzeldin Abuelaish - read (4 stars)
12. How To Be a Complete and Utter Blunt by James Blunt - read (2 stars)
13. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn - read (4 stars)

April
14. Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.M. Delafield - read (4.5 stars)
15. The Provincial Lady Goes Further by E.M. Delafield - read (4.5 stars)
16. The Provincial Lady in America by E.M. Delafield - read (4.5 stars)
17. The Provincial Lady in Wartime by E.M. Delafield - read (4 stars)

May
18. Festival Days by Jo Ann Beard - read (3.5 stars)
19. Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld - read (1.5 stars)
20. The Half-Finished Heaven Selected Poems by Tomas Transformer - read 3 stars
currently reading

NF - 7
F - 11
P - 2

Happy New Year, Alison, and welcome back to Club Read! I will, of course, be following along as we meander through books and life. I hope you have a fulfilling and meaningful year ahead. Cheers!

I sincerely wish you health, happiness, contentment and many exciting books.

>3 labfs39:, >4 Ameise1: thank you both! Happy New Year to all.

>1 AlisonY: Great intro! I'll certainly be following along here.

>1 AlisonY: I love your opening picture. Happy New Year!

>1 AlisonY: I also am a fan of your thread topper!

Welcome to 2024.

I like your description: “I'm a marketer's dream for a good personal development book”. Wish you a Happy New Year a lots of comfy quiet space.

Interested to see where your reading takes you. And happy new year!

Happy new year Alison, I look forward to following your reading in 2024.

>6 SassyLassy:, >7 Julie_in_the_Library:, >8 markon:, >9 dchaikin:, >10 lisapeet:, >11 rhian_of_oz: Thanks for stopping by everyone and a very happy new year in return.

Hi Alison, I couldn't resist stopping in to check out your intriguing thread title. Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Alison, I am always happy to find you here and am dropping my star with lots of love!

I'm looking forward to seeing your reads again!

Happy New Year, Alison! Your opening image is gorgeous.

Happy New Year, Alison. I will be following your reading this year. I will watch for your comments on The Science of Living: 219 Reasons -- the title sounds interesting, anyway.

OK! Found ya. Happy reading in 2024. Cheers!

>13 Jim53:, >14 Simone2:, >15 mabith:, >16 VivienneR:, >17 BLBera:, >18 rocketjk: Welcome all! I'm hopelessly behind on LT already, and haven't finished dropping my stars off everywhere, but I'll get there eventually!

Currently reading:

1. In Memoriam by Alice Winn

It blows my mind that this is a debut novel, such is its sophistication in pulling you in and holding you there. In Memoriam is a novel about the complexities of a gay love affair between two young men at a boarding house of Marlborough College and then at the front in WWI at a time when homosexuality was a crime punishable with a prison term.

Winn captures how the young men were wont to hide their true homosexuality behind the boarding school practice of fagging, which was common in the period, and the difficulty of admitting their true feelings to each other until their life hangs in the balance at the front.

More than just a novel about a forbidden love, it is a dramatic and heartbreaking depiction of life on the front for young public school teenagers who had hitherto been cloistered in the safety of their boarding schools in the rolling green fields of England. Its title is derived from a mixture of the poem by Tennyson and the regular in memoriam notices that are published in the Preshute boarding house's press bulletins.

Winn writes with such immense confidence about the period setting, both in the boarding school and on the battlefield, that she completely enfolds you and transports you to the era.

4.5 stars - this will definitely be up there as one of my favourite reads of 2024.

(Thanks to Caroline for the book bullet on this).

Great review 🤩
I've put it on my library wish list.

>22 Ameise1: I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I was a bit ambivalent towards it at the beginning, but once it gets going it's fantastic.

>21 AlisonY: Excellent review. Went onto my wishlist too.

I have wondered about this one, so I’m really happy to read your review. Looks like a great first book of your year.

>21 AlisonY: Hope you enjoy it if you get to it, Lisa.

>25 dchaikin: Always a delight to start the year on a reading high, Dan!

2. The Science of Living: 219 Reasons to Rethink Your Daily Routine by Stuart Farrimond

This was a Christmas gift off my wish list, and one of those filler type books to dip in and out of. I particularly liked reading it whilst eating my breakfast.

It's visually a very attractive book, with glorious infographics on every page. Split into morning, afternoon, evening and night sections, it covers a plethora of popular science questions.

From the title I'd hoped it would have new insights into best practices for good physical and mental health, but the content disappointed, and probably 90%+ was stuff I already knew.

3 stars - a nice book to gift to someone, but absolutely nothing new in the facts

Can I check before I get too far into this year's thread - are my book pictures showing up OK for everyone?

>21 AlisonY: Glad it was a hit for you too Alison. I'm recommending it everywhere.

>28 AlisonY: No broken image links for me, Alison. All look good.

>28 AlisonY: There had been a broken link in >20 AlisonY:, but all are fixed now.

ETA: Hi Allison! too bad The Science of Living didn't quite work out -- I was all set to add it to the wishlist and then I got to end of the review.

I'm seeing your book images, Alison. Great comments >21 AlisonY: on In Memoriam. I am definitely adding this to my WL.

>28 AlisonY: You're always a sure thing for book bullets in my direction, Caroline!

>30 labfs39:,>32 BLBera:,>31 ELiz_M: Thanks got confirming the links are working. I know sometimes the images can get broken.

3. The House of Doors by Tan Twan Eng

I'm aware I'm in the minority here, but I found this book to be just OK.

It's a tale within a tale type of novel. The writer Somerset Maugham and his private secretary come gay lover are staying with an old friend and his wife for a few weeks at their home in Penang. Whilst the wife is initially prickly and hard to read, eventually relations between her and Maugham (Willie) thaw as she tells him the story of her marriage and her involvement with a revolutionary fighting to overthrow the imperial dynasty of China.

It just didn't come together for me. Lesley, the wife of Willie's old friend, is the key character in the story and yet I could never warm to her enough to form an emotional connection with her back story. I liked Somerset Maugham's character, yet somehow Eng never really got going with him. The story of his own sham marriage and his gay lover didn't feel as if it had much purpose in the story other than to add some sensationalism as Lesley's own secrets were fairly dull and mundane. A third plot line, that of the murder trial of a close friend of Lesley's, also felt shoe-horned into the story simply to add a bit of spice. and somehow that too felt like a mediocre sub-plot in terms of how it was handled in the prose.

In summary, I just couldn't connect with either the story or the characters in this book. Every now and then it hooked me in for a few pages, but largely I was just looking forward to finishing it.

3 stars - lacklustre and emotionless.

Next up:

>35 AlisonY: The quilt on the cover of this book immediately took me back to Pantone's 2021 Colour of the Year, when they produced that combination of "Ultimate Grey" and "Illuminating", otherwise known as boring grey and yellow trying to cheer it up.
I'm cheering myself up with the idea that what appears to be grey on my screen may actually be blue, but I am doubtful.

Waiting for your review!

>34 AlisonY: I haven't read House of Doors yet, but suspect I would fall into your camp on it.

I loved HoD, but I’m sorry you slogged through. Never fun. Hope the Sara Baume works better.

>34 AlisonY: Have you read other works by TTE? I loved his first two novels and have held off reading this one for fear that I would be disappointed. I'm curious whether you just don't connect with Eng's style or if this book is simply not as good.

>36 SassyLassy: Sadly the quilt is grey and yellow... I'm only a few pages into this one, but so far so good. It's different - a prose poem of sorts.

>37 dchaikin: I wouldn't go so far as to say it was a slog, Dan, but it was underwhelming.

>38 labfs39: I wouldn't go by me, Lisa, as this was a 5 star read for a lot of people, but I just couldn't connect with it. I've not reading anything else by Eng to compare it with, but I just didn't get engrossed in the story.

4. Seven Steeples by Sara Baume

For no apparent reason, this book, out of the thousands on the shelves in Waterstones, has been calling to me every time I go in there, so I eventually succumbed and treated myself to a copy.

This is one of those works of fiction where nature and the small things in life are both the characters and the story. There is little plot to speak of, beyond a young couple deciding to move into a rural house at the foot of a mountain in Ireland and to cut themselves off from their past lives. Their families and friends cease to exist for them, and their world voluntarily shrinks to the house itself, their dogs, their old red van and the flora and fauna of the landscape around them.

The novel spans over seven years of them living in the house, and as each year passes their retreat from civilisation becomes more pronounced, both in terms of their appetite for small trips to the shops where other people will be found and also in their lack of interest in ever upgrading or replacing the few possessions they have, even when they reach their end of life. The joy of this novel is that this is not a negative but an observance of an alternative lifestyle, of slowing down and finding contentment through living semi off-grid and being at one with nature and the seasons.

The book blurb calls it a prose poem, which I get but also find a teeny bit misleading. Am I splitting hairs if I consider poetic prose to be closer?

If you enjoy slow fiction with a strong sense of place you will enjoy this. The minutiae details collectively are the story - the cobweb of the house spider, the diamond scales of the fish landing on the dog as they prepare dinner and staying in its fur for four days, the blue bath mat that stays on the washing line for so long it becomes part of the expected scenery outside.

4.5 stars - beautifully written. It will make you feel as if you've been walking around with your eyes closed.

>34 AlisonY: Sorry it didn't work so well for you.

>40 AlisonY: I read and enjoyed her Handiwork Alison.

>41 Caroline_McElwee: Is Handiwork on a similar type of theme, Caroline?

>42 AlisonY: It is a memoir Alison. My short note is here:

https://www.librarything.com/topic/327968#7426319

>43 Caroline_McElwee: Sounds like another one I'd enjoy.

>40 AlisonY: glad you found a good read. Intriguing.

>21 AlisonY: Great review: this sounds like it would be wonderful to read but also heartbreaking.
>34 AlisonY: The House of Doors is on my list for this year; always good to see different perspectives on it.
>40 AlisonY: Lovely review. Bookshop serendipity is just the best.

>45 dchaikin: That kind of book's not for everyone, Dan, but I enjoyed it.

>46 rv1988: In Memoriam is great. It is sad in places, but there's enough going on so that somehow it never gets too gloomy.

I think I'm on my own wee island in not overly enjoying The House of Doors. Will be interested in your perspective.

And yes - love a bit of bookshop serendipity! I told myself of Seven Steeples grabbed my attention again is buy it. They'd moved it from where it was originally but somehow it still caught my eye, so obviously it was meant to be.

Seven Steeples sounds great, Alison. I love books with a strong sense of place. Have you read others by this author?

>48 BLBera: No Beth - this was my first Sara Baume, but I would definitely read more by her.

>40 AlisonY: That does sound interesting.

Great review of Seven Steeples, Alison.

>50 SassyLassy:, >51 kidzdoc: Thank you - definitely worth a read.

5. After Sappho by Selby Wynn Schwartz

Booker long-listed a couple of years back, this is an interesting piece of...historical fiction? The author has created a fictionalised account of the interactions between prominent Sapphists and feminists from the late 19th century through to the early 20th century, post WWI. They're an eclectic mix of artists, writers, actresses, playwrights, poets and activists, some very well known (Virginia Woolf, Vita Sackville-West, Sarah Bernhard), others less known (at least to me anyway) such as the Irish architect Eileen Gray, Lina Poletti, Natalie Barney, etc.

Weaving some fragments remaining from Sappho's writing, heralded as the first literary crusader of feminism and lesbianism, the book is a series of vignettes set in Greece, Italy, France and England as the lives of the different key players intertwine, either in real life or through their works.

I found the first third of this book absolutely fascinating, as I learnt about everything from the horrendous laws in Italy forcing a rape victim to marry their rapist to early attempts in the House of Lords to make lesbianism illegal. Whilst there is quite a lot known about British laws against homosexuality, I knew very little about how the hardships of lesbian women during this era, and it was fascinating to learn more about this from some incredibly interesting characters. I was slow at reading it, as I kept stopping on nearly every page to Google more about the characters I was being introduced to.

By the second third of the book, my interest waned a little. There were so many characters it became difficult to keep up with who was who, who knew who and how, and I felt the content, whilst fascinating to begin with, became a little repetitive. The final third piqued my interest again - I knew I was in the final stretches and so settled back into figuring out who each character was again.

4 stars - It's a book I was glad to finish, yet at the same time I'm glad I read it. It's well written, original and I learnt a lot from it.

>53 AlisonY: I think we came down in a similar place on this one Alison.

I was in Oxford when I read it, to see a pre-raphaelite drawings exhibition, and it made me think about how almost exclusively the subjects were female seen through the male gaze.

>53 AlisonY: An informative review for me. I have looked at reading this book but never gotten around to it. Looks like a good read even allowing for the slump in the second part.

>53 AlisonY: This has been on my shelf for a while. Your comments have prompted me to get it out and put it on the top of the pile of "read soon" books. It sounds pretty interesting.

>53 AlisonY: sounds about how I remember feeling. I kinda wish there was something to follow it up with.

>53 AlisonY: After Sappho is in my TBR pile. Thanks for the review.

>54 Caroline_McElwee:, >57 dchaikin: Yes, I read both your reviews and sounds like we were on a similar page with this one.

>55 kjuliff:, >56 BLBera:, >58 markon: I'm hesitant to go as far as recommending it as the middle section did seem repetitive and I glazed over a bit, but I enjoyed the first 100 pages so much and am still thinking about it, so to me it was worth reading overall. It's nicely broken up into short sections too which makes it easier to dip in and out of too, although I think that perhaps didn't help with keeping track of the characters.

6. All You Need to Know About Menopause by Catherine O'Keefe

The majority of you can look away now. For the small percentage who might be interested in this topic, I've read quite a few menopause books now, and they all have plus and minus points. As I get closer to choosing to make a jump to trying HRT, I wanted to remind myself of the salient points in one place without having to scour different sites on the internet.

I think this Irish book on menopause ticked the box in terms of the brush up on info I wanted to find. Nothing startling, but a concise collection of the key facts I wanted.

4 stars - sadly there's no pause button for menopause, so might as well go forward armed with all the facts and options.

7. Diary of a Tuscan Bookshop by Alba Donati

This book was a Christmas gift; I was a bit unsure as sometimes I find bookshop books a bit twee and a blatant marketing assault by publishers on the converted, but overall it worked for me.

Alba Donati is a poet in Italy, and this book is written in diary format recalling a 6 month period in 2021, 2 years after she opened her bookshop in a remote mountainous village in Tuscany, the village of her birth. It's an imperfect book, but has enough to save it and make it worth a read.

Firstly the flaws. This is a story of community in the Italian hills as much of one of the bookshop (that's a plus, more on that later), and at times I felt Donati over naval-gazed. Sometimes her writing felt a little egotistical, and whilst I'm happy to take on board some self-promotion, it was missing a touch of self-deprecation here and there to balance things out. She also had a habit of throwing in the names of locals who I'm sure were referenced for the first time but spoken of as if we, the reader, must surely know who she was talking about.

My biggest gripe was that the supposed triumph of the bookshop in a remote village of 180 people also was never fully explained beyond Donati weaving some sort of bookselling magic. That's all well and good, and kudos to her, but I'd like to have understood the gaps in the story. How did she make it economically viable (and was it? In the 6 months chronicled, Italy was in and out of COVID lockdowns)? Does she excel at social media marketing (which is where I'd lay my bets)? Is the physical shop carried by its online shop? Is she a big enough name as a poet in her own right in Italy to make people want to make the pilgrimage to her bookshop? Donati sells it heavily around the plum tree in the garden, the flowers and the tea and buns. I've Googled it and it looks charming with a wonderful view (and what reader doesn't love a quaint bookshop), but both the garden and shop are tiny so I'm still wondering why people would make huge journeys from other corners of Italy just to buy books there. These are predominantly Italian customers; there are wondrous views-a-plenty all over that part of the world...



Was it savvy social media content encouraging women in particular to have FOMO over the experience Donati is marketing? Was it the COVID effect - an excuse for a lovely day out after weeks in lockdown? I'm happy for her, but please fill in the blanks!

Anyway, beyond that griping, I did enjoy both the virtual transportation to the Tuscan hills and the stories of the visitors to the bookshop and what they bought. If you have watched or read any of Dan Buettner's content on longevity blue zones, he talks about mountainous Italian villages where people live to ripe old ages on the back of daily physical exercise up and down steep village streets and vertiginous stairs in houses that cling to the side of hills. Also, how the innate sense of community and belonging keeps people happy in their old age, with the whole village engaging daily with their elderly neighbours. I got a strong sense of this from Donati's descriptions of her mum, who celebrates her 102nd birthday during the period chronicled, and it really does leave you with a sense of longing to be lucky enough to live somewhere so beautiful with such a strong sense of togetherness.

Donati concludes each diary entry with a note of the books ordered that day (again, no explanation - are these books bought in the shop or ordered online? There's no more than a handful each day - I can't imagine that paying anyone's rent). I took at least a dozen book bullet hits from these which I enjoyed - quite a few titles and authors I'd not heard of before.

4 stars - I'm not sure Donati left me wanting to make a pilgrimage to see her, and but nonetheless it was an enjoyable read, and I enjoyed my transportation to beautiful Lucignano.

>61 AlisonY: Alison, my library has a copy of it. I've put it on my list. Your review sounds like it might interest me.

>62 Ameise1: Look forward to hearing what you think when you get to it.

Back to my literary crush again for the first time in a while. It's a door stopper - I may be some time...

>64 AlisonY: I've still to get to him Alison. I do have the first of his autobiography in the tbr mountain.

Me too, Caroline. Enjoy, Alison!

Diary of a Tuscan Bookshop sounds like it would annoy me a bit too much as a former independent bookstore worker, but I'll definitely be passing it on to one of my aunts for the Italian angle. The store I worked in is very nice (has a lovely cafe, an art gallery focusing on local artists, a ceramics studio in the basement, live music on the weekends, and is generally the pride of the downtown area) but it still largely got by due to the cafe and the fact that owner was somewhat independently wealthy, owned the whole building (including an office that was rented out), and lived above the store.

>65 Caroline_McElwee:, >66 dchaikin: definitely start with My Struggle Book 1 if you're going to give Knausgaard a go some day.

>67 mabith: I suspect this book shop is also not paying for itself, Meredith.

>61 AlisonY: Great comments, Alison. I don't think Donati annoyed me as much as she did you. I mostly enjoyed my time in the Italian countryside. I suspect you are right about great marketing, but I don't see how this store can make any money.

>69 BLBera: No clue how the bookshop can support itself. I would have liked transparency on that to complete the picture, warts and all.

>21 AlisonY: Thanks for this review. I’ve managed to find it on audio. It’s on my tbr.

>71 kjuliff: That's great, Kate. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I'm hoping it translates well to audio format.

8. The Wolves of Eternity by Karl Ove Knausgaard

This is my 8th Knausgaard tome, and I've commented on previous reviews that somehow his writing bewitches me to the extent that he can make loading a dishwasher spellbinding (which is helpful, as often his writing contains plenty of domestic chores). However, like all good crushes, there comes a point when the shine wears off, when the things that originally made you see stars become the very points that start to grate on you. I fear I've reached that point with Knausgaard.

I don't know what changed for me with this novel compared to his previous, but the fairy dust was missing. Rather than my literary crush looking a bit less handsome close up, I hope it's simply that he missed the mark a bit with this one. Knausgaard's 'My Struggle' series focused on his and his family's day-to-day lives, but there was sparkle about him, a toe-curling honesty that was a bit like how reality TV draws you in despite your best intentions.

The first half of this book focuses on the character Syvert mostly, who has returned to his family home in Norway aimless and jobless after completing his military service. He (eventually) stumbles upon a secret his late father had been hiding, but you've got to grind through 200 pages of utter dullness which borders on depressiveness to get there. Once I was eventually on the hook, after another 200 pages the story changes to Russia and a completely new set of characters, and it was like starting all over again, taking another 200 pages to get into that. Eventually the two would become connected, but I think this would have worked better in an alternating chapter format as it was like starting a new book halfway in. The Russian section had long story digressions bearing little importance to how the stories would connect, with pages upon pages devoted to the character's musings about potential theses for her PhD. Not being remotely scientifically wired, I glazed over heavily after a while of this.

In true Knausgaard style, before the two key character's stories finally intertwine there's a random segue into an excerpt from a minor character's book called 'The Wolves of Eternity' which examines principally the theories of Russian librarian Fyodorovich Fyodorov, who believed in the complete resurrection of the dead - not to an eternal life in heaven but with the dead resuming their previous lives eternally on earth. Reading this, I felt how I did when he went into his massive tangent in Book 6 of My Struggle on Hitler - irritated on the one hand, but yet begrudgingly interested in the topic and admiring of his philosophising (despite it feeling rather tinged with a little self-importance - I have these ideas I want you to know I have, despite how tenuous the link to what you're currently reading).

When finally the two main characters lives intertwine (with a 20 plus year gap from where Syvert's previous story had finished up), it was fairly underwhelming, but by that stage I just wanted to get finished anyway. Often I've breezed through Knausgaard's doorstoppers not wanting them to end, but I felt I worked hard with my attention and interest for a lot of this beast of almost 800 pages.

3 stars - still musing on whether it's me or him. Perhaps I've just grown out of my crush. But here I am still thinking about the book a little. Damn that man...

>73 AlisonY: I had to chuckle at your review, despite commiserating on your "struggles" getting through it. I read the first in his myopic epic and bought the second, but never got beyond the first few chapters. I keep meaning to get it back out, but other (shorter) things always seem to shoulder their way in.

9. I Lost Summer Somewhere by Sarah Russell

I randomly came across one of Sarah Russell's poems online and I loved it, so my husband hit the mark by getting me this (and a few other titles) for Mother's Day at the weekend.

I absolutely loved this collection. It's slim - not even 80 pages - but there's such honesty, wryness and poignancy in her writing. It's an introspection of the ups and downs of life, of romances won and lost, of divorce, of death, of starting over, of aging.

I consider myself a late bloomer when it comes to appreciating poetry, and I think it's very individual. A bit like music, in the way a certain song can evoke all kinds of emotions in one person yet leave another cold.

I like Russell in these poems. She's smart. I can feel her occasional eye-rolling. She knows how life rolls.

This is the original poem that caught my attention (I noticed that some online took exception to the inference towards her current husband, but I get exactly what she's trying to convey):

If I Had Three Lives

After "Melbourne" by the Whitlams

If I had three lives, I'd marry you in two.
And the other? That life over there
at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing -- a memoir,
maybe a novel or this poem. No kids, probably,
a small apartment with a view of the river,
and books -- lots of books and time to read.
Friends to laugh with; a man sometimes,
for a weekend, to remember what skin feels like
when it's alive. I'm thinner in that life, vegan,
practice yoga. I go to art films, farmers markets,
drink martinis in swingy skirts and big jewelry.
I vacation on the Maine coast and wear a flannel shirt
weekend guy left behind, loving the smell of sweat
and aftershave more than I do him. I walk the beach
at sunrise, find perfect shell spirals and study pockmarks
water makes in sand. And I wonder sometimes
if I'll ever find you.

Another one:

After the Fact

There's the Fact
and After the Fact -
the silence of a new apartment,
hugging the kids too hard,
watching them manipulate.
It's his telling friends you took him
to the cleaners, cold stares
at soccer games.

After the fact is buying hundred dollar jeans,
then eating ramen for a week,
lying about your age,
your weight.
It's wondering if they're mama's boys
or gays still in the closet,
what to do with small talk,
stretch marks. It's settling
for a 6 because you're horny.

The Fact's a piece of cake.

4.5 stars - loved this collection. Will be reading more from her.

>75 AlisonY: I must be a late late bloomer as my love for poetry still eludes me. I like these poems though. They tell stories I can relate to without having to work hard.

>75 AlisonY: I consider myself a late bloomer when it comes to appreciating poetry, and I think it's very individual. A bit like music, in the way a certain song can evoke all kinds of emotions in one person yet leave another cold.

I agree, on both counts. I've gotten into poetry only in the last few years. The way that poems work or don't for different people seems very personal, even unpredictable, to me.

>76 labfs39: They tell stories I can relate to without having to work hard.

And that, in a nutshell, is the type of poetry I like! I need my poetry to be pretty straightforward but to hit the heart.

>77 Julie_in_the_Library: Exactly. Poetry is not something I can buy on a whim. If I don't know some of the writer's work already, I need to see it in a bookshop before I commit.

>75 AlisonY: Ouch, a BB, thanks Alison.

>73 AlisonY: Interesting review.

However, like all good crushes, there comes a point when the shine wears off, when the things that originally made you see stars become the very points that start to grate on you.

So well put. This happened with me with Kate Atkinson

>79 Caroline_McElwee: If you like the couple I posted you'll enjoy the whole collection, Caroline.

>80 kjuliff: Me too with Ian McEwan, Kate.

>75 AlisonY: I like both of these poems Alison. Have you considered posting them in the poetry thread?

I wish I read more poetry than I do - but it's hard to find and stick with a collection - narrative is so much easier to get caught up in. I have to be in the right mood and have some space to breathe to get stuck in to poetry.

>75 AlisonY: I love these. I will look for this collection.

Ive loved poetry since I was a kid and wrote quite a bit of it growning up. But the types of poem that I like ones where the language moves me into some reaction. I dont like poems that are just out there, ther appear to not have meaning (and no I cant think of an example) I know Im probably missing alot tho

>82 markon: Good idea, Arlene - will post them in the Poetry thread now.
>83 BLBera: Glad you liked them.
>84 cindydavid4: I wouldn't know where to start with writing poetry. I think I'd still end up with something akin to the rhyming rubbish I wrote age 6.

10. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

I've been meaning to read this for a number of years now and finally it found its way into my hands on a recent bookshop visit. A Waterstones bookshop opened a year or two back in the out of town shopping centre closest to me for popping in for some groceries on Saturdays, and although most welcome it's making my quick shopping trips for yoghurt and bananas considerably more expensive than before.

Didion chronicles in this memoir twelve months from the moment her husband drops dead at their kitchen table (whilst their only child was, incidentally, also lying critically ill in hospital battling sepsis). Although it's not a book I'd recommend to someone in the throes of grief, despite the circumstances Didion writes about I didn't find it a maudlin read.

Didion writes with utter honesty but never with self-pity, and her brisk matter-of-factness as she describes the most difficult of times feels insightful, brave and clear-eyed rather than sentimental (although it is a heartbreaking story). As a born story-teller who moved in some interesting circles with her writer husband, Didion's life at that time (and earlier in their marriage, which she recounts when unexpected things or places trigger memories) provided an unexpectedly interesting backdrop to this memoir on bereavement, a snapshot of a certain era in American history.

4.5 stars - I really enjoyed Didion's writing in this book, despite the difficult subject matter, and will definitely be seeking out some of her other essays and novels.

>86 AlisonY: I have this on my shelves. Your review makes me want to dust it off and actually read it!

>87 labfs39: I so enjoyed the style of her writing. I think in the future her essays rather than novels will call to me. She also includes excerpts of her husband's writing in the book, but his books seem to be mostly expensive secondhand copies, so I'm guessing he's fallen out of fashion and is out of print now.

>88 AlisonY: I read that when it first came out and was blown away by it. Her writing style is honest and moving, and as you say not maudlin. Her explaination of the year of magical thinking fits so well by the reality of grief, and how it hits us in different ways at diffreent times. We got to see Vanessa Redgrave in the one womans show on broadway too which was a wonderful adaptation

>89 cindydavid4: Oh Vanessa Redgrave would have been perfect for playing Didion. I bet that was something else.

I was thinking of getting it out, but the next Murderbot book came in at at the library, so I had to read that next. :-)

>91 labfs39: Next time!

>86 AlisonY: Great review, and a wonderful book. I have a slightly amusing story: for my 21st birthday, a dear friend gifted this to me, having read only the title and assuming it was some sort of self-help/positive thinking book. I still enjoyed reading it! But she was very sorry when she found it what it was about. Not exactly festive, but I love her writing. I'd recommend trying Slouching Towards Bethlehem next - her nonfiction essays.

>93 rv1988: whoa, really! Yikes, glad you were ok with that!

>93 rv1988: I can see how the title could be extremely misleading! I don't think I'd have appreciated the book as much at age 21.

Slouching Towards Bethlehem is the title that's most caught my attention.

Hi Alison, you’ve been doing some interesting reading.

Catching up. I loved your Knausgaard rant. Cringed at that one poem 🙂 And found your Didion take very interesting. I want to read more Didion - but I don’t want more like this one. i want to read those books where she’s on the attack.

>93 rv1988: that’s funny. It’s such a beautiful title…

>96 dianeham: It's always quite random, Diane!

>97 dchaikin: Sorry about the cringing, Dan, but not sorry about the poem! ;)

Really looking forward to more Didion too in brighter times.

>86 AlisonY: While The Year of Magical Thinking does stand on its own as an study in grief, I think it is perhaps a book that should be read later in the process of reading her books, if a person is thinking of a more immersive experience.

>88 AlisonY: Combining Salvador (nonfiction 1983) and Democracy (fiction 1984) is an interesting pairing giving a good look at US foreign policy and intrigue for that time, something that always interested her.

>97 dchaikin: Like >93 rv1988: I would definitely recommend Slouching towards Bethlehem as a book where she's on the attack, and also as an early study in how her work would develop over time.

>99 SassyLassy: Thanks for the Didion tips - good to know.

11. I Shall Not Hate by Izzeldin Abuelaish

Given the extreme horrors that are going on in Gaza at the moment, it felt only right to read something this year relating to Gaza, and I appreciate the couple of CRers who recommended this to be through their fine reviews. It's a difficult book to both read and to review, especially given that the horrors which the doctor who wrote this book describes back in 2009 were but the tip of the iceberg of what was to come in Gaza.

Izzeldin Abuelaish, who would go on to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, writes with eloquence about the modern day hell that is life in Gaza. Whatever your politics, it's hard to think of many other places in the world where such a large body people are hemmed into such a relatively small space with so little freedom of movement, their land borders, sea and airspace blockaded by Israel with the Palestinians having next to no control over the transportation of basic necessities such as food and medicine into their land. Complex geopolitical wrangling has existed for a very long time in this part of the world and there is fault on both sides, but Abuelaish tries to put his own politics aside and to instead put a human face to the real victims of this ongoing struggle.

The futility of guns and rockets in achieving any type of peaceful resolution to the conflict is core to Abuelaish's message in this book. As an eminent fertility specialist, he spent a considerable amount of his career working in a hospital in Israel, endeavouring to help couples regardless of their faith or nationality and building firm friendships with many Israelis. This, he believes, is a rare privilege in this part of the world, where Palestinians and Israelis have little opportunity to engage with each other, where they only know the 'other side' as faceless enemies, which makes peace all the more difficult. As such, he endeavoured to ensure his own children made the most of opportunities to attend peace camps with Israeli young people, and instilled a strong sense of love and humanity in his children's upbringing. Incredibly sadly, three of his daughters and a niece were killed when an Israeli tank opened fire from the street on the bedroom they were in, and Abuelaish works hard, not just in this novel but in the numerous talks he has given over the years, to prevent them from being faceless statistics - he wants us to see their faces, to know something of their individual personalities, the career dreams they had. He also wants us to know, however hard it is to read, the reality of this type of warfare, his daughters limbs scattered around the wreckage of their bedroom, one daughter decapitated. It's utterly harrowing, but I think it's important not to look the other way to the reality of other people's sufferings.

Coming as I do from Northern Ireland, I appreciate how what Abuelaish says about dialogue being the only route to peace is so true, and also how peace will never be established whilst two peoples are kept largely separated from each other. Peace requires getting to know each other, to stop demonising the other side as something less than human, to look for what we have in common rather than what divides us.

Peace seems further away than ever for Palestinians and Israelis at this point, but we must live in hope. At one point in his career, Abuelaish works with some Israeli doctors on the impact of conflict trauma on Palestinian children living in Gaza and Israeli children living near the border with Gaza. Fifteen years ago PTSD was already becoming endemic amongst these children - it's so difficult to think about what the future holds for the children of today in these areas.

4 stars - a true lesson in compassion but so very hard to read given current events.

12. How To Be a Complete and Utter Blunt: Diary of a Reluctant Social Media Sensation by James Blunt

Before anyone judges me horribly for reading this book, I have to defend myself by prefacing this review with stressing the point that this was a very random title I picked up in the library of the hotel I was staying in over the last few days in Edinburgh. I picked it up aiming to flick through the first few pages, and before I knew it twenty minutes had passed and I'd finished it (you may be surprised to learn that this is not highbrow literature).

James Blunt has been vilified pretty much non-stop since his 'You're Beautiful' song topped the charts for an inordinately long period of time, but having spent 20 minutes in his company in this book I have to say it seems that he brought much of that hatred upon himself. Getting abuse on a daily basis on Twitter, he decided at one point if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and embarked on a clever social media campaign which more or less entailed him coming up with a much better put down than those flung at him. About 20% of his retorts were aimed at the Tweet originator, but more often than not he simply slagged himself off more acutely in reply. This book is a collection of those Twitter exchanges.

I must admit I did chortle at a few of his replies, but mostly this book reminded me what a complete knob-end James Blunt is. Fair dues, though, he really doesn't care.

2 stars - I really can't recommend this, but thanks for a few smiles, Blunt.

>101 AlisonY: I'm glad you read and appreciated I Shall Not Hate (liked seems like the wrong word). I read it when it first came out—I can't image reading it now, it would be too, too depressing. Not only has there been no progress, but things are worse than ever. I'll be reading Apeirogon next month for my book club, and I'm dreading it a little, just because it's such a hard topic right now.

do you know if that author has spoken out on the latest war? curious what his thoughts might be.

>101 AlisonY: Great review of a difficult memoir. I heard Abuelaish in several different interviews on CBC radio after it came out, and he his message about dialogue being the only route to peace came out strongly each time.

Here's a current update on him for anyone interested:
https://www.dlsph.utoronto.ca/faculty-profile/abuelaish-izzeldin/

>102 AlisonY: Quite a follow up!

>103 labfs39: I get that. I read that it has quite a hopeful message, but it's hard to grasp onto hope right now.

>104 cindydavid4: Yes he has, Cindy, but still with the same message that he refuses to hate. As of the end of 2023 he'd lost 22 family members from the Israeli attacks on Gaza, most of them nieces and nephews. He's been vocal about calling for an end to the violence, but remains true to his values of dialogue and coming together in peace rather than hatred and separation.

>105 SassyLassy: Thanks! Our messages crossed in cyber space.

Yes, James Blunt was an unexpected follow up to a Nobel Peace Prize nominee....!

I think you're an exemplar of what it means to read eclectically right now, Alison. I may skip the Blunt book, but the Abuelaish interests me for the reasons you'd think. Thanks for putting it on my radar.

>105 SassyLassy: thanks for that link; he is brancing into other areas womens issues general health, gender gap along with continuing his work for peace. I so hope he succeds

>106 AlisonY: thats good to hear. Hope he wins the nobel prize.

>101 AlisonY: Wonderful comments on a timely book, Alison. I will search this one out sooner.

>108 lisapeet: Eclectic is such a kind way of saying totally random! I go where the reading winds blow me.

>110 cindydavid4: I think his Nobel nominations have been and gone in previous years, but he has won other peace prizes.

>111 BLBera: Thanks Beth. Timely but difficult for that very reason.

13. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexandr Solzhenitsyn

Moving on swiftly from James Blunt to some credible literature...

I read Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago not that long ago, so although One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is a fictional novel I had a fair idea of what to expect. As with the Gulag Archipelago, what's startling in Solzhenitsyn's writing is that there's never any sense of self-pity, and black humour is always bubbling just below the surface.

This novel does what it says in the title. There's little reminiscing by the protagonist of life before the camp, nor wishing away the days to freedom (for as Ivan Denisovich knows, freedom may never come, with exile likely after he finishes his ten year sentence, if indeed another sentence isn't landed on him before that one finishes). The slim novel focuses on a regular day in this inmate's life in camp and is a glimpse into the reality of what millions of Russians endured - harsh work in extreme sub-zero temperatures in inadequate clothing with a belly half-empty from meagre food rations.

Given the extreme conditions that Solzhenitsyn writes of, his style intrigued me in this novel as it did in the NF Gulag Archipelago. Such is his protagonist's lack of self-absorption in the misery that's been inflicted on him, it's not a novel that left me with a profound sense of horror about the conditions the prisoners lived in. What sticks with me more is the grit and mental toughness of Solzhenitsyn (for this novel is undoubtedly based on his own experience as a prisoner). The novel even ends with a positive reflection by Ivan Denisovich, as he lies in his cold bunk with ice on the ceiling and his legs shoved into his coat sleeves, of all the things that had gone right that day, from not falling ill as he'd thought he would at the start of the day, to some extra rations for favours and his team not getting put to the worst of the work. It's remarkable, and perhaps that's the biggest insight of all - that those who survived were the people who were able to sustain the right mentality attitude and focus throughout these long sentences.

4 stars - an enjoyable read. Perhaps it would have been more shocking to me if I'd not read Gulag Archipelago relatively recently.

>113 AlisonY: Interesting review. Yes it’s often the case when you are impressed with a writer, you get another of their books too soon. I recently did that with Eastbound and The Heart.

In what order would you read those two Solzhenitsyn, or doesn’t it matter?

>113 AlisonY: remember reading both of those in college and was horrified "What sticks with me more is the grit and mental toughness of Solzhenitsyn (for this novel is undoubtedly based on his own experience as a prisoner)" yes, exactly. not sure Id say they were enjoyable reads, but certainly eye opening

>114 kjuliff: I don't think it matters which order you read them in, although the order I read them in was useful as I then already had historical knowledge of the gulags before reading the fictional novella.

Gulag Archipelago is a completely different kind of read as its non-fiction, fairly lengthy and recounts the various gulag experiences of hundreds of people. The author takes you right from the different ways people were arrested through to their trials, experiences in different types of camps and exile afterwards (and of course his own experience). The novella zones in solely on a fictional account of a typical day in camp.

>115 cindydavid4: Yes, eye opening is certainly the right way to describe these books. It's so shocking the sentences people received, most often for doing nothing at all wrong. I didn't find them especially bleak, though, and much of that is down to Solzhenistyn's quite bouncy way of writing despite his subject matter.

If you want a different history of the gulag, try Anne Appelbaum's Gulag: A History. She was able to use newly opened archival data to document a wide range of issues, from the economics of the gulag to women's experiences. I found it eye-opening even after having read Solzhenitsyn and other gulag memoirs.

>116 AlisonY: Thanks Alison. I will probably reas The One Day in the Life first as I find fiction easier to read lately.

>117 labfs39: I've not heard of that book or author - thanks!

>118 kjuliff: The fiction is really a novella and would be a good audio bet, Kate. The non-fiction would be a bit of a slog on audio I suspect.

>119 AlisonY: Gulag: A History is very readable and is one of those books that changed what I thought I knew. One of the points she makes is that the gulag system had less to do with punishment and more to do with economics. Archival documents clearly show how the system was developed to foster development in remote areas, large-scale works like the White Sea Canal, mining, and more. The camps were convenient places to isolate criminals and political prisoners, but primarily they were a workforce (although to the people sent there, it was a punishment for sure). I have her book, Red Famine, on the Ukrainian famine that I might read next, as it would complement my recent reading on China well. I have three other of her books wishlisted.

I met Solzhenitsyn once, but it was in a situation where I was not allowed to acknowledge who he was (he was very reclusive during his time in Vermont). I was in such awe I'm sure I stumbled over my words, as mundane as they were.

Beautiful Easter Sunday. You've read some great books. Unfortunately my library doesn't have the book by Izzeldin Abuelaish.

>120 labfs39: That's interesting - that economic point of view didn't come across in either of Solzhenistyn's books. So cool that you got to meet him. I'd have been in awe too.

>121 Ameise1: Happy Easter! I am definitely a very random reader, but I'm OK with that!

Catching up. Terrific review of I shall not hate. I’m not sure i’ve read a review of One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. Very interesting. Thank you for reading and sharing. 🙂

>113 AlisonY: Great review, and how wonderful that you got to meet him. I'd have been tongue-tied too!

>123 dchaikin: Thanks Dan. It's an interesting read.

>124 rv1988: Oh it was Lisa who met him, not me. Agree - I'd have been starstruck too!

However, like all good crushes, there comes a point when the shine wears off, when the things that originally made you see stars become the very points that start to grate on you. I fear I've reached that point with Knausgaard.

As the unofficial president of the Philadelphia Area Knausgaard Fan Club I find this statement to be sacrilegious, and thoroughly unacceptable.

Great reviews of two of my favorite books of recent years, The Year of Magical Thinking and I Shall Not Hate.

Perhaps I've just grown out of my crush.

Hmph.

>126 kidzdoc: Lol! Come back to me Darryl when you've read Wolves of Eternity. I would defend him to the end on the My Struggle series, but this one.... not so much.

>75 AlisonY: I'm catching up and really enjoyed these two poems. I'm going to ask my library to buy the book, otw I might have to.

>128 Jim53: Oh I hope the library are able to buy it for you. It's a fairly slim collection but most enjoyable.

>126 kidzdoc: >127 AlisonY: Another big Knausgaard fan here, but I agree with Alison on Wolves of Eternity. It was a slog. I did enjoy The Morning Star, and I was expecting some sort of sequel to that with The Wolves of Eternity. Though the morning star appeared at the very end of wolves, it definitely could not be considered a sequel.

>130 arubabookwoman: Same on all fronts. I don't know what the missing ingredient was on The Wolves of Eternity, but as you say it felt a slog.

>127 AlisonY:, >130 arubabookwoman: Okay, that makes two fellow Knausgaard fans whose opinions I highly respect, so that's fair. It will be a while before I get to The Wolves of Eternity, as I still haven't read My Struggle: Book Five, My Struggle: Book Six, and The Morning Star.

14-17. The Provincial Lady Series: Diary of a Provincial Lady, The Provincial Lady Goes Further, The Provincial Lady in America & The Provincial Lady in Wartime by E.M. Delafield

This collection of four of E. M. Delafield's Provincial Lady books in one edition was an absolute delight. If you've not heard of this writer or these books before, completely ignore the cover of this edition as it is entirely inappropriate and of the wrong era.

Written in diary form in often truncated sentences, the first book in this series was written in 1930, and although containing fictional characters the books borrow much from Delafield's own life.

This woman was, in short, an absolute riot. Despite the setting being close on 100 years ago, the Provincial Lady's daily concerns feel almost modern, which is no doubt down to the razor-sharp wit throughout which feels ahead of its time compared to much writing of that era. She is the Caitlin Moran or Helen Fielding of her era, a writer whose very essence exudes from her protagonist with endless witticisms, self-deprecation and withering commentary on those that cross her path.

In the first book, The Diary of a Provincial Lady, our narrator documents with dry humour her daily struggles as a woman of relatively high social standing running a household. We're never told what her husband Robert's occupation is, but they move in upper middle class circles and have a small staff to manage the domestic chores in the household. The cook is fairly useless but formidable, and our Provincial Lady spends much of her time failing to work up the courage to address her about areas that need improvement, which reminded me of friends who work full time in demanding jobs yet are scared to confront their cleaner when they do a lousy job. Our protagonist has a busy mind, and although she accepts that household management is her responsibility it's not something she enjoys or wishes to prioritise when she can help it. She sends story offerings to her favourite publication Time and Tide, but at this stage this feels like a hobby also indulged in by many of her friends and acquaintances. She enjoys trips up to London and wishes to spend more of her time there, the country life being a little too dull, but despite governesses for her youngest child, boarding school for her oldest and a small household staff, money is always tight. Despite this, her spending is only occasionally curtailed, and she regularly gets indignant over the increasingly short patience of the bank over the state of her overdraft.

I am sure that every woman will acknowledge that choosing and creating one's own rich, elegant, and costly clothes is an extremely efficient cure for any worries about money.

In the second book, The Provincial Lady Goes Further, our narrator is shocked to have earned a book deal from her Time and Tide writing which considerably changes the financial circumstances of the family (echoing how Delafield found her way to publishing). Now a woman of independent means, she delights in spontaneously buying a flat up in London to support her need to spend regular time there for her work, when in reality the writing of the second book she's received an advance for is continually pushed to the end of her to do list as she's much too busy enjoying herself. Our protagonist has little ego or airs about her, and her regular disappointment in her appearance surely strikes a chord with so many modern females reading this book, despite the passage of time.

January 22nd - Robert startles me at breakfast by asking if my cold, which he has hitherto ignored - is better. I reply that it has gone. Then why, he asks, do I look like that? Feel that life is wholly unendurable, and decide madly to get a new hat.

In the third novel, The Provincial Lady goes on a promotional tour of America for her book and delights us with her mixed emotions on being away from her family for two months whilst having a whale of a time. Every telegram she receives she's convinced brings news of her children dying in some tragic accident, which of course never happens yet taps into the preposterous ideas that many of us mothers get into our heads when we have to leave our children for any considerable length of time. She attends the Chicago World Fair, delights that the English custom for tea seems to translate to cocktails in America, and insists on a trip to the Alcott house, which is her publisher's only concession on a whirlwind tour full of engagements. Despite her somewhat new rise to the fame, everyday worries continue to keep her feet planted firmly on the ground.

Write postcards, to Rose, the children, and Robert, and after some thought send one to Cook, although entirely uncertain as to whether this will gratify her or not. Am surprised, and rather disturbed, to find that wording of Cook's postcard takes more thought than that on all the others put together.

In the final book, The Provincial Lady in Wartime, our Provincial Lady chronicles her life up in London during the initial stage of WWII, dubbed the Phoney War. During this time she, along with all her friends and acquaintances, is keen to 'do her bit', yet there's so little happening she can't get anyone to take any interest in using her skills on a voluntary basis. It's an interesting (and of course amusing) account of a period I've not read about previously in WWII accounts, this desperation to call oneself to action and feeling the social and personal disappointment of not having any role of importance to undertake, and also waiting for the action to start which never seems to come. She eventually gets a position in 'the underworld' canteen beneath the Adelphi Theatre, where volunteers for the ambulance corps, etc. are occasionally training but more often than not hanging around waiting for something to happen.

I absolutely loved this series (which absolutely didn't need such a long review, but once I got started I couldn't stop myself). She's a funny and quirky writer, and it was an absolutely delight from start to finish. If you've enjoyed reads such as Mrs Bridge I can definitely recommend this.

Diary of a Provincial Lady - 4.5 stars
The Provincial Lady Goes Further - 4.5 stars
The Provincial Lady in America - 4.5 stars
The Provincial Lady in Wartime - 4 stars (the tightening of belts and loss of socialising during this early war period made this last book a little less entertaining).

This sounds right up my wheel well for when I need a British cardigan book. I'm reminded of the Mrs. Tim series, or Joyce Dennys' Henrietta books.

>133 AlisonY: oh those sound so much fun! must try them!

Those Provincial Lady books sound like an absolutely hoot. I'm definitely going to search them out.

$2 on kindle!

>133 AlisonY: Great review. This sounds delightful.

>137 cindydavid4: Thanks for the tip! I snagged a copy on Amazon for .99

>134 labfs39:, >135 cindydavid4:, >136 mabith:, >138 rv1988: I hope I haven't oversold them and that you enjoy them as much as I did!

the pressure is on! :)

The Provincial Lady books sound like a lot of fun. I will look for them. Great comments.

18. Festival Days by Jo Ann Beard

I'm very divided on this collection of short stories and essays. On the one hand, you can tell this is a writer who's honed her craft and writes impeccably, but on the other many of these stories are such raw accounts of uncomfortable topics it's hard to class them as enjoyable. Appreciable yes, but not overly fun.

For example, there's the story of the man who wakes up to find his apartment block is on fire and who jumps out the window. He survives but drops his cat in the process, who doesn't. Then there's the story of the woman dying of cancer, who opts for an assisted suicide, and another about the woman who's been attacked by stranger in her house and has to fight for her survival.

The stories feel incredibly real - you are in that burning building, you are watching that best friend suffer terribly through terminal cancer - and full points to Jo Ann Beard for pulling that off, but I don't think I really wanted to feel like a fly on the wall in these kind of circumstances.

The last few are essays based on Beard's own life - her husband leaving her for another woman, a girls' trip to India with a friend who's (also) dying of cancer. I preferred the short stories - I think Beard got a bit caught up in her craft in the essays, and they felt a little overdone at times.

3.5 stars - a very talented writer, but sad, difficult and uncomfortable subjects in these stories. I suspect Beard wants the reader to feel that discomfort, but... well, life's hard enough at times without living too graphically other people's tragedies.

19. Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld

It's taken me over 8 months to finish this book, as I decided about a third of the way through I hated it but stubbornness kept me committed to finishing it.

I bought this book originally as it's a joint effort between Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté and I'd enjoyed a previous book of Maté's, although with a dollop of scepticism. The bit of the blurb that caught my eye was reattaching to your kids, and at the time that I bought this my (then) 13 year old was proving harder to communicate with and I was keen to recapture our bond.

The first few chapters had me nodding my head in some agreement, particularly in relation to immaturity and a tendency for some adolescents to need to fit in with their peers. So far our set of circumstances at home. But then Neufeld and Maté completely lost me. The book became full of sweeping statements and generalisations which I felt are totally unfair on the majority of our young people. It seemed totally lost on these two 'experts' that lots of kids want to fit in during their teens and that friends are an important part of your rite of passage through adolescence. In their eyes, spending time with peers means peer attachment issues and a slippery slope to bullying, aggression and goodness knows what else. There was no middle ground of teenagers figuring out who they are and coming out the other side OK - it was either devils or angels.

I do get and agree with the main point of the book, which is that it's important for children and young people to develop and keep a firm attachment with a parent/s or guardians / trusted adult, but for scientists to have written this book there seemed to be so much that was subjective and based on opinions rather than firm data.

And it went on and on and on about the same basic point, page after page in small print. Talk about repetitive and filler content.

So I'm delighted to at last to be done with this book that is a horrible read on several levels.

1.5 stars - I'm done now with both of them.

>144 AlisonY: That sounds terrible and I understand your impulse to plow through to the end, fueled by animus. So the book says to discourage kids from making friends and hanging out with them? Given that both my now (barely) adult children still have very strong friendships with kids they knew in high school and even middle school, this is clearly nonsense. And the early teen years can be tough, with all those hormones sloshing around.

>144 AlisonY: Yikes, sounds horrid. Thanks for taking one for the team and reading it so we don't have to.

>144 AlisonY: That book sounds dreadful. Where would we be without the friends we made in our teenage years? What sort of a parent clings to children like that? Like RidgewayGirl I can understand you being fueled by animus and reading to the end. Thanks for warning us.

>144 AlisonY: That's some of the worst parenting advice I've ever heard. Was this a pro–helicopter parenting thing? It makes me think of that red flag we learn to watch out for, how an abuser will try to prevent the abused from seeing their friends or family to break them down and make them dependent. Yeesh.

yeah I dont get it . Goes against everything that I have experinced in that area. does the book give any information about the author?

Just looked at the reviews here they seemed mixed, So glad I am not a parent who had to shift through the mire of advice....

>144 AlisonY: Ouch. This really sounds awful (and somehow infuriating)! And in the description says "This parenting classic"... is it really considered a classic (must read)?!

I've dilating drops in my eyes at the moment and my vision's all weird so excuse me not doing the proper reply thingy to your posts but replying to all above!

Yeah, I just thought it was a dreadful book. It was such a black or white viewpoint not allowing for shades of grey and seemed to forget that certain teen traits are to be expected, including looking more to their friends than parents at certain stages. A wee bit of teenage rebellion seemed totally off the cards.

I don't think the authors were saying children shouldn't have friends, but it was heavily pushing that they don't need them as much as parents think.

All told it was very unevenly argued and presented. I think these dinosaurs would like nothing better than for mothers to stay at home and employ themselves helicoptering over their kids and wholly distrusting their friendships.

That's so disappointing about the Gabor Mate book. My sister's kids have very few close friends (they've almost entirely been homeschooled), and the ones they have they don't see that often (my niece's best friend lives an hour away essentially), and it worries the heck out of me. They're 13 and 15 now and I'm constantly worried about how they'll adjust to adulthood, in most senses but especially socially. I'm sure my brother-in-law expects them to go to college (he's a college professor) and they will likely struggle so much in so many ways.

My sister would probably love the book, given how I've seen her questioning them over minor details after social occasions, in a very unsubtle way that I as a kid would have absolutely caught on to as "was this friend actually being friends with you or paying more attention to some other kid." I don't know if my niece sees that or if she's too naive still but it really freaks me out (I had four older siblings forcing me to be aware of things unsaid and minor mood currents). There are reasons my sister has trouble keeping in-person friends as an adult that I'd hate to see rub off on her. Kids can certainly pick up bad ideas from friends, but equally (if not more so) from parents...

>153 mabith: There's definitely no manual that comes with parenting, and certainly I don't know if my way is better or worse than other people's approach, but I do feel that friendships are a very important part of teenage years, and I think teens can be quite focused on their friends without necessarily being led down the wrong path.

I'm sure we're all guilty, like you say of your sister, of passing on our own not so great traits to our kids, even if we're conscious of those flaws and really don't want our kids to grow up copying them.

20. The Half-Finished Heaven Selected Poems by Tomas Transtromer

I've been reading this relatively slim volume of poetry for quite a long time. It felt challenging to my grey matter - I couldn't get the gist of what Tranströmer was getting at quite often.

When I first started this review, my thoughts were entirely negative. The poetry was pretentious, overwrought, the kind of poetry that made me think I would never enjoy poetry when I was younger. I started flicking back through the poems to validate my annoyance with it, but then to my surprise started to 'get' some of the poems a bit more. I wouldn't go so far as to say enjoy, but I understood and appreciated them the more I read them, and I realised I'd been speed reading a lot of them previously as I just wanted to finish the book.

I learnt a bit about myself and poetry in this little reading experience. I enjoy poetry that's straightforward and speaks to my heart. I'm not into poetry that requires me to 'figure it out'. I switch off; I lose attention.

Anyway, back to Tranströmer, I respect the abilities he had as a poet, but he's not for me. Here's an example of a couple of the poems - I'm interested in whether this speaks to others:

Black Postcards

I.
The calendar all booked up, future unknown.
The cable silently hums some folk song
but lacks a country. Snow falls in the grey sea. Shadows
fight out on the dock.

II.
Halfway through your life, death turns up
and takes your pertinent measurements. We forget
the visit. Life goes on. But someone is sewing
the suit in the silence.

A Winter Night

The storm puts its lips to the house
and blows to make a sound.
I sleep restlessly, turn over, with closed
eyes read the book of the storm.

But the child's eyes grow huge in the dark
and the storm whimpers for the child.
Both love to see the swinging lamp.
Both are halfway toward speech.

Storms have childlike hands and wings.
The caravan bolts off towards Lapland
and the house senses the constellation of nails
holding its walls together.

The night is quiet above our floor
(where all the died-away footsteps
are lying like sunken leaves in a pond)
but outside the night is wild!

A more serious storm is moving over us all.
It puts its lips to our soul
and blows to make a sound. We're afraid
the storm will blow everything inside us away.

3 stars - respectfully not for me.

>154 AlisonY: I've never had kids, unfortunately, so I can't speak to parenting, but I can say with absolute clarity that I wouldn't have survived adolescence or my later teen years without my friends, three of whom from those years, as I face down my 69th birthday, are still among my very closest friends.

>155 AlisonY: I hear what you're saying about Tranströmer: I wonder, though, how much we're losing in translation, as he originally wrote in Swedish, right? There are a few poems by him that I really do like, though. I'm thinking in particular of this one: https://modernpoetryintranslation.com/poem/allegro/

Editing to add, I do like the Bly translation better, and it shows how difference the translation makes. https://rebeccasnow.co/2016/04/21/bly-vs-fulton-transtromers-poem-allegro/