Rachel Simmons

Definitely an interesting book. I haven't had to deal with this too much with my two girls but I do know that this book is right on. My one daughter does things to make herself different and is a protector of kids that are bullied. This does help me accept that she is fine not being in "the group". She sees they are fake already and does not want to be part of them. She is definitely more confident than I was at 14. My other daughter probably dealt with this more but karate helped lift her self esteem so much that she carried on and knows now that some friends just are not worth keeping.

What is real sad it so much of it does carry over into adulthood and it does explain why so many of us are more comfortable hanging with men/boys. I am not sure who will get this yet but will definitely be sharing.… (mais)

Excellent Central Message

There is a strong central message in Rachel Simmons' "Enough as She Is:" unreasonable expectations are unfairly placed on young women. This message is repeated throughout the book through case studies and interviews that Simmons conducted.

Although young men and young women from all backgrounds suffer emotionally from unreasonable expectations, Simmons focuses on girls. Unfortunately, the focus is on girls who are already "high achievers," most bound for or already in colleges around the northeastern United States. Astoundingly, out of the 90-some young women interviewed, only three are African-American and none of the interviewees appear to be "underachieving" or non-college bound.

According to the brief biography given in the book, Simmons herself works exclusively with elite, private schools in the northeast, including Smith College and a school next to Central Park in Manhattan. Surely these environments are where Simmons draws her interviewees from.

Thus, the book's central message hits the target dead center when it comes to suburban girls who want to go to college, but it offers no advice for caregivers who work with other types of girls. I would love to see Simmons branch out to work with and advise more than just a small portion of the population.

Simmons' treatment of the "college application industrial complex" is wonderful. She has the expertise to define and then call out what she sees as an erosive force for young people that does little for their well-being.

Simmons is a strong writer with a clear message. I wish she included a larger population in that message.… (mais)

My 10-year-old daughter and I were in the library a few weeks ago picking up some holds for her when she saw this and asked to borrow it. Normally, adult non-fiction is not her thing, but she's had bullying problems at school these last two years, and I thought I would let her try it.

She finished it in 24 hours and loved it. "It makes me feel less alone," she said. "I'm not the only one going through this."

So, of course, I had to read it too.

And I ended up crying on the GO train going into Toronto (on a car full of Carabana revellers, no less). It's absolutely harrowing, for either those of us who remember this from our own girlhoods, or those of us watching it in the girlhoods of our daughters. Or, if you're like me, both. My god, girls can be vicious to each other. And the fact that they're being vicious to each other in this way because of the cultural expectations of Good Girls does not make it hurt any less.

Simmons does a good job of discussing all the ways and means of girl bullying and aggression, how it works and why it works the way it does. She has minimal advice for parents on how to deal with it, although the advice she does have is probably as complete as you can get; the fact is, there is not much parents can do from home about things that go on at school, and the most important thing is for the school and the kids' teachers to get it and act.

If you've ever dealt with a situation like this, you know that usually doesn't happen, even though this book came out over a decade ago and there's been tons of discussion on this issue ever since.

I feel at least better equipped to understand not only what she's experiencing, but also how best to listen and react to what she tells me so that she knows I understand and support her. I'd recommend it to other parents for that, if nothing else.… (mais)