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Anonymous Lawyer

de Jeremy Blachman

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24516108,502 (3.61)11
He's a hiring partner at one of the world's largest law firms. Brilliant yet ruthless, he has little patience for associates who leave the office before midnight. He hates holidays and paralegals. And he's just started a weblog to tell the world about what life is really like at the top of his profession. Meet Anonymous Lawyer--corner office, granite desk, and a billable rate of $675 an hour. But he's also got a few problems that require his attention. There's The Jerk, his bitter rival at the firm, who is determined to do whatever it takes to beat him out for the chairman's job. There's Anonymous Wife, who is spending his money as fast as he can make it. And there's that secret blog he's writing, which is a perverse bit of fun until he gets an e-mail from someone inside the firm who knows he's its author.--From publisher description.… (mais)
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Based on a real blog (still extant) by the no longer anonymous lawyer at a large firm, the novel is in the form of a series of emails and blog postings from the Hiring Partner to his niece, an aspiring lawyer, but not of the same ilk as her uncle.

Our partner despises Daylight Savings Time because instantly a full sixty minutes of billable hours are lost and no one bothers to make it up in the fall, instead, just sleeping in. He hates holidays, why should we celebrate Memorial Day when we could all be earning money and still wearing little flags in the lapels? He considers himself quite reasonable honoring Jewish associates by scheduling their meetings in between services or over the phone. And why would anyone want Easter off? Jesus would surely be better honored by increasing the client's bill.

There is a very funny scene in which the Chairman is suffering a heart attack while simultaneously sending an email about his attack and how to take over the case and not lose any billable hours. As Anonymous Lawyer says, this is the only time you want to have your secretary like you, as otherwise she might delay just a little in calling 911. Otherwise, secretaries are only there to bring in food. Immediately his blog gets email from lawyers all over the country insisting they know who he is because numerous firms had Chairmen who had suffered heart attacks or strokes that very day.

And the way to save money is to have the annual associate thank you luncheon on Yom Kippur (at the firm of course) and serve a roast pig.

A brilliant satire that most lawyers will want to read in a brown paper wrapper. My only complaint is the ending. Abrupt doesn't begin to describe it. The other issue I have is that the book highlights some very real issues in these law firms that need to be addressed. Clients are routinely screwed. And it's not funny in the long run.

Sample from a very recent entry to the blog:

"I've been following the news this morning about the Ropes & Gray associate accused of insider trading as part of an investigation into the Galleon Group hedge fund.

Ropes & Gray released a statement, saying in part: "We are deeply disappointed about this situation, which suggests an extreme breach of this person's duty of trust to our clients and to the firm."

Well, no kidding. It's damn well a breach of the duty of trust to the firm. If an associate here found out some insider information we could use to make a killing, they better not be keeping it to themselves. They ought to tell a partner, tell the whole executive committee, give us all a chance to get in on it. If we can't trust our associates to bring us valuable opportunities to increase our own personal wealth, what do we really need them around for? I've spent years digging through client paperwork looking for information that I could use to make better investment decisions. And for an associate-- not even a partner-- for an associate to be running with this, without making the opportunity available to his superiors.... Well, it was a pretty easy decision to fire him. And it should serve as a warning to everyone else at the firm-- you find a good deal, you bring it up the chain of command and let us all have a piece.

Hey, it's not like I don't tell my associates when I go to mortgage foreclosure auctions and try to feast on the corpses of evicted homeowners. They're welcome to come along and join the fun.

As long as their work is done.

And they carry my briefcase. I hate carrying my own briefcase." ( )
  ecw0647 | Sep 30, 2013 |
Warning: do not drink hot coffee whilst reading this book. Snorking and dirty clothes will result.

How many stars? 27! At least! for being the funniest of all possible books about lawyers. It's the sort of book you pass on to all your friends. However, something very odd, although my son and his law student friends enjoyed it, neither of the lawyers I sold it to did. Perhaps they felt it was a bit like a mirror and it wasn't the one which told them that yes, they were the fairest of them all. Pure and lily-white they ain't, no more than Mr. Anonymous.

This is office politics taken to the absolute limit and ten paces past that too. And then another ten. OMG how far, you think, reading it, can he go... further, further, further.


I actually read this years ago, but it was about time it got more than a one line review, because it really is one of the funniest, pee-yer-panties books I have ever read. ( )
  Petra.Xs | Apr 2, 2013 |
I picked this up on a whim and was not disappointed. This books was hilarious, although a touch over the top. Written in blog firm, this story of a law firm partner's relentless push to the top shows how crazy life at big law firms can be. I must say, though, I completely didn't get the ending! ( )
  notmyrealname | Mar 6, 2011 |
A very funny book about a grumpy lawyer at the top of his game, and how he deals with life. Written in the style of a blog, and based on a real blog of the same name.
  legalfiction | Feb 24, 2011 |
This is one of the funniest books I've read this year. Sure, the whole "partner-who-wants-to-be-chairman" storyline of the book was a good one--but what kept me glued to the pages of ANONYMOUS LAWYER for four straight hours was the fact that I couldn't stop laughing.

Two paralegals chatting incessantly? Easy solution--punch one of the them in the face. Anonymous Daughter getting fat? Easy enough to solve--let Anonymous Wife take her in for liposuction. My favorite scene from the entire book, though, has to be this one:

"We had a student (intern) last summer who kept kosher. Or at least that's what she said. But anytime she got offered lunch at someplace exceptional, suddenly she wasn't kosher anymore. You asked her to go to a cheap Indian place down the street, oh, she can't, she's kosher. But if you wanted to drive up the coast for a long lunch at Nobu in Malibu, perfect, she'd eat anything. She'd eat raw shrimp wrapped in bacon with a glass of milk, off the naked stomach of a Palestinian, on Yom Kippur, if you told her it was expensive."

And it's lines like that that make the fictional blog of Anonymous Lawyer at the heart of the story both funny, realistic, sarcastic, and brutally honest. Oh, and the fact that the author, Jeremy Blachman, really does write the anonymous lawyer blog (http://anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com).

Wonderful read! ( )
  GeniusJen | Oct 13, 2009 |
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He's a hiring partner at one of the world's largest law firms. Brilliant yet ruthless, he has little patience for associates who leave the office before midnight. He hates holidays and paralegals. And he's just started a weblog to tell the world about what life is really like at the top of his profession. Meet Anonymous Lawyer--corner office, granite desk, and a billable rate of $675 an hour. But he's also got a few problems that require his attention. There's The Jerk, his bitter rival at the firm, who is determined to do whatever it takes to beat him out for the chairman's job. There's Anonymous Wife, who is spending his money as fast as he can make it. And there's that secret blog he's writing, which is a perverse bit of fun until he gets an e-mail from someone inside the firm who knows he's its author.--From publisher description.

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