Where was this book when I was a teenager and young adult?!?

With care to frame the work as a response to questions Bolz-Weber asked her parishioners about what they learned in church about sexuality & relating to their bodies, their personal stories and her own experiences (not an ethnography, or a exhaustive representation of everyone everywhere) Bolz-Weber dives deep into the wounding, confusion, and angst that can result from confusing purity with holiness.

Early on, the writer points out that faith communities' "purity systems, even those established with the best of intentions, do not make us holy. They only create insiders and outsiders. They are mechanisms for delivering our drug of choice: self-righteousness... Purity most often leads to pride or to despair, not to holiness. Because holiness is about union with, and purity is about separation from." 26

While the traditional approach to relationships may work for some folks, it leaves many at the corners feeling ashamed as if needing to be fixed in some profound way for being who they are, feeling how they feel. In spite of this, the writer points out that many of those wounded and excluded by what is often held up as the "divine plan", still seek connection and desire to be participating members of a church.

Bolz-Weber's voice is singular, humorous, candid and thoughtful as she frames a powerful argument for a reformation that is long overdue. She's gonna piss off a lot of folks who feel they have a corner on what the love of God means or requires; but for so many more this message is profoundly good news. ( )

Lovely

Fantastic book. Helped me work through a lot of purity culture trauma. So thankful for Nadia Bolz-Weber and her congregants that played a role in this book being written ( )

Negative messages about sex come from all corners of society: from the church, from the media, from our own families. As a result, countless people have suffered pain, guilt, and judgment. In this instant bestseller, Nadia Bolz-Weber unleashes her critical eye and her vulnerable yet hopeful soul on the harmful conversations about sex that have fed our shame. Bolz-Weber offers no simple amendments or polite compromises. Instead, this modern-day reverend calls for an inclusivity that empowers us to be loyal to people and, perhaps most important, ourselves.

This is an antidote to I Kissed Dating Goodbye and other harmful repressive teachings Evangelicals have been told about sex and sexuality. It is a quasi-memoir with literary interludes. Because so much has emerged about religious institutions and sexual abuse, I hope Bolz-Weber writes a follow-up focusing specifically on that. ( )

I normally geek out over anything that Nadia B-W produces; however, I found this one to be lacking. It's not lacking in great one-liners, thoughtful quotes, or even deconstructing "purity culture." It felt rushed and lacking in a healthy Christian sexuality or even some better advice for reconstruction than teens need to have more sex or the person should have been allowed to explore it earlier, which comes across as flippant at best. For the record, my own view of Christian sexuality tends toward the left of the average liberal Christian, so I understood and even championed much of what Nadia was reflecting and writing. Honestly, I could have been tired of people deconstructing without putting in the work of some decent reconstruction.
I felt a bit prudish with my thoughts about the book after reading; however, even the height of my criticism, warrants a read by Christian of all stripes when looking at sexuality. Peruse the many quotes around this book and you'll see why.

Recommended for Christians deconstructing or purity culture or wandering why it was so harmful.

**This was a review copy provided by NetGalley for an honest review** ( )