First things first: I think the ebook edition might be abridged? Either my fast reading was faster than usual or there was some editing because it didn't seem like 200 pages even with portions that I skipped.

So, I gave two stars instead of one because there WAS an attempt by the author to honestly put his life experiences forward and he didn't gloss over his honestly horrid personality. That being said the whole book felt like a whiny teenager that never stopped being a teenager. Instead of taking the time to consider himself, gay or straight, and maturely think over his options in life Amrou goes through this huge hissy fit spiral. Everyone else's fault, everyone ELSE is to blame for his unhappiness. No rose gardens were promised nor expected but the selfishness and mental issues that he acknowledges never gets addressed. Instead he defaults to living out a female caricature driven by his mommy issues.

But my low rating isn't because of that. To a point a person can't help their personality and surely not their mental health issues. The low rating is for the the back and forth of relatively decent writing that crashes down in to utter disgusting trash. There were several places that went in to sexual descriptions that were far more pornographic than simply explaining experiences. There is very little respect for the issue of mental health which gets shoved under the rug in exchange for "now I wear a wig and prance around so I'm not depressed!" which is NOT the message for those going through depression. Just as you think you're going to see Amrou for himself he shuts the door to push this ID politics driven image. Hiding behind a false face isn't healthy when you're dealing with mental issues, especially depression. Honestly, the bad writing and the feeling that I was watching a person try to justify their reality dodging in favor of this created image only helped push stereotypes about gay men.

And for my brothers and sisters out there: MASSIVE haram content. Total disrespect of Allah, twisting around Quran to justify his behavior and homosexuality. Mental abuse of parents. Just...a train wreck. I only made it through the book skipping sections that were so hugely disgusting that even I couldn't handle it and I've read some cringy things in my life. So heads up on that. ( )

First things first: I think the ebook edition might be abridged? Either my fast reading was faster than usual or there was some editing because it didn't seem like 200 pages even with portions that I skipped.

So, I gave two stars instead of one because there WAS an attempt by the author to honestly put his life experiences forward and he didn't gloss over his honestly horrid personality. That being said the whole book felt like a whiny teenager that never stopped being a teenager. Instead of taking the time to consider himself, gay or straight, and maturely think over his options in life Amrou goes through this huge hissy fit spiral. Everyone else's fault, everyone ELSE is to blame for his unhappiness. No rose gardens were promised nor expected but the selfishness and mental issues that he acknowledges never gets addressed. Instead he defaults to living out a female caricature driven by his mommy issues.

But my low rating isn't because of that. To a point a person can't help their personality and surely not their mental health issues. The low rating is for the the back and forth of relatively decent writing that crashes down in to utter disgusting trash. There were several places that went in to sexual descriptions that were far more pornographic than simply explaining experiences. There is very little respect for the issue of mental health which gets shoved under the rug in exchange for "now I wear a wig and prance around so I'm not depressed!" which is NOT the message for those going through depression. Just as you think you're going to see Amrou for himself he shuts the door to push this ID politics driven image. Hiding behind a false face isn't healthy when you're dealing with mental issues, especially depression. Honestly, the bad writing and the feeling that I was watching a person try to justify their reality dodging in favor of this created image only helped push stereotypes about gay men.

And for my brothers and sisters out there: MASSIVE haram content. Total disrespect of Allah, twisting around Quran to justify his behavior and homosexuality. Mental abuse of parents. Just...a train wreck. I only made it through the book skipping sections that were so hugely disgusting that even I couldn't handle it and I've read some cringy things in my life. So heads up on that. ( )

It was part of my self care plan for 2021 to only read fiction books but I couldn't resist the title of this autobiography. It is a very relatable and heart-breaking life story of a gay, gender queer, Muslim born in the Middle East and grew up in England. The complex trauma from his damaged attachment to his mother and fractured identities leading to intense mental health symptoms, especially during his academic years, was painful to read. The pacing floundered towards the end and kinda fizzled out but overall still a worthwhile read. ( )

There's a story in here, trying to get out, but it's prevented from doing so by some pretty poor writing, some stylistic quirks and a general sense of immaturity.
The author was born one of twin boys to Iraqi parents in the Middle East, brought up a Muslim and spends most of the book trying to battle with various insecurities and trying to find themselves. It could have been incredibly interesting, but failed to engage this reader, for several reasons. The writing is not terribly good. The use of a significant amount of what I'd describe as slang, assuming that it is common parlance, prevents it being entirely accessible. There is then the habit of whenever a new person is introduced of saying "let's call him XXXX". I can understand not wanting to necessarily use real names, but it could have been a lot neater to have explained up front that some names have been changed than to go through this rigmarole each time. There was also an attempt at a literary version of the stage aside to the audience, breaking the fourth wall. They don't come off terribly well. It feels artificial; the book is addressed to an audience - adding an aside addressed directly to an audience has an air of redundancy about it. It's trying to be matey and fails.
I also found that some experiences were so extreme that I doubted the authenticity of the experience - and in doubting one you find the remainder being thrown into doubt. While at Eaton they are reciting a passage from Richard III. Fine, you may not be familiar with the play, but having done history you surely know enough that monarchs are described by ordinal numbers - no one says Henry eight, he's Henry the eighth. By claiming not to know this in relation to Richard III, when they have previously said that they'd studied History at GCSE, it makes you doubt what else is subject to exageration. The text only works if you can trust it, and I didn't feel I could.
I'm not going to deny that there is a lot of angst and conflict contained within this person, coming from their family, religion and cultural background. Howver, it felt to lack any ability to look at life dispassionately. In the book reference is made to "A Child called It" and the so-called misery memoir genre and it feels that this is trying to follow in those footsteps. The last chapter was a more encouraging ending than might have been expected of the remainder of the book.
I feel this would have been a better book had it been written by someone who was comfortable in their own skin and more mature in their ability to provide balance and draw conclusions from their experiences. They have one hell of a story to tell - but this doesn't do it justice. ( )

I'm glad I read Al-Kadhi's interesting, colorful and touching memoir. Their relationship with their mother stands out for me- the way she influenced them and nurtured them but also how her later rejection shaped them. The writing was not awesome but it was good enough to be readable; from their bio I gather they are a rising star and maybe we'll be hearing more about them in other media in the near future. ( )