I couldn’t get through this book to the end since it turned out not to have much relevance for me; it dealt with problems experienced by couples where the male (or one of the males in a gay relationship) suffered from Asperger’s syndrome.

Though I didn’t read the whole book, it seemed to deal with all aspects of relationship problems where Asperger’s is involved.

We learn that the Asperger’s partner can have many rigid daily routines and when these first are established, it will be difficult to get the person to change them.

Partners may feel that they did not feel necessary to the Asperger’s person on an emotional level but were needed more for what they did than for who they were and how they felt.

Those with Asperger’s are blunt and honest, which can cause social problems. (Funny that honesty turns out to be abnormal, but that’s probably true.) Asperger people can seem rude, so it is not surprising that they don’t always have close or long-term friends. But it can be that they don’t have friends because they never really wanted any or chose solitary pursuits.

Those (we) with Asperger’s often complain that they wish people would just say what they mean. One woman told her Asperger husband that she would kill him if he forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; he did forget and was thus afraid to come home, fearing for his life.

They may have wooden facial expressions, clumsiness to their movements or evasive eye contact.

I remember when leaving a job and mentioning to my boss that I knew we had not always seen eye to eye, and that he had perhaps been dissatisfied with me; but he said, no, on the contrary, several of the employees had not been happy with him but didn’t dare say anything, so he didn’t know where he stood with them, whereas with me he knew exactly where he stood because I always said exactly what I thought about things; he had greatly appreciated this.

Those with Asperger’s are hard workers and good providers. My bosses appreciated me and gave me much leeway because I was a conscientious worker and always got the job done as well as possible. I am not a morning person but they accepted that I regularly came late because of my conscientiousness and high standard of work.

With an Asperger partner it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say.

One woman told her Asperger husband that if he did not change he would have to leave, and, to her horror, he left the next day since he did not feel he could change.

I felt that the book provided a very adequate discussion of the various aspects of Asperger’s and the problems that may arise. Four stars! ( )

A guide to living in an intimate relationship with a partner who has Asperger Syndrome. Written from personal experience and as a result of academic study and work as a counsellor. Looks at the background to an adult with Asperger syndrome and discusses strategies for dealing with everyday situations which occur in a relationship.

These days, books on Asperger's Syndrome are coming out very rapidly, and the pace of research means that the newer books usually have much more to offer than the old. And most of them are directed to the Asperger's sufferers themselves.

So why would an Asperger's sufferer want to recommend a thin little book, more than a decade old, aimed at spouses rather than "Aspies?" Because it has a lot of good answers, that's why.

Although written for the spouses of Asperger's sufferers, there is a lot that the sufferers themselves can learn -- as Robert Burns said, it lets us "see oursels as others see us." In particular, it gave me insight into the way "Aspies" respond to the anger of others -- a behavior which often provokes fearful, irrational responses. Had I known this even a year earlier, it would have saved me a great deal of grief.

So get the books on brain function, and the books on employment, and the books on strategies -- and get this book to try to understand the way to help others help you. ( )