During a cold, British winter, three women reach crisis point. Emily, an immigrant survivor of the Rwandan genocide is existing but not living. Vera, a newly Christian Londoner is striving to live a moral life, her happiness constantly undermined by secrets from her past. Lynn, battling with an untimely disease, is consumed by bitterness and resentment of what she hasn’t achieved and what has been snatched from her.

Each suffering their own demons, their lives have been torn open by betrayal: by other people, by themselves, by life itself. But as their paths interweave, they begin to unravel their beleaguered pasts, and inadvertently change each other’s futures. ( )

Likes: Wayne really knows her characters, and the writing is solid. She has an good observational eye for detail, which I always appreciate.

Dislikes: Implausible plotting, including one turn that infuriated me so much I had to put my Kindle aside for a while. IT MADE NO SENSE. IT WAS THREE DAYS AGO. I AM STILL MAD. Also, the fact that Wayne seems to view Luke as largely sympathetic confuses me, as I had been thinking of him as "imminently punchable." And the way that Emily's story ended -- well, Jemma Wayne and I do not see the world the same way.

In short, you will probably enjoy this novel most if you and I strongly disagree on everything. ( )

The Baileys Prize longlist this year has been wonderful for me – without it, I would never have found the gem that is After Before by Jemma Wayne. This book is intense – it has all the feelings condensed within its pages and on finishing it, I didn’t want to leave the world it had created. The story is difficult, painful and beautiful and something you can analyse in your mind for hours afterwards. The ending is left somewhat open – we don’t know what choices the characters will make, only the direction they are currently heading in but there’s implications for the future based on their past actions.

After Before focuses on three main female characters, disconnected initially from each other, but who will become increasingly involved in each other’s lives as the novel progresses. First, there’s Emilienne (known as Emily). She’s a refugee from Rwanda after the atrocities there and for reasons unknown, has moved out of her aunt and uncle’s house into a little flat of her own. She’s haunted by images of the atrocities she saw at home, but it determined to do something more than clean with her life. She decides to become a carer to help other people.

Vera has done something terrible – so terrible, she can’t tell anyone and the only proof she has is a scrap of paper in her purse. She’s converted to Christianity and is trying to find her faith, to become as good a person as her fiancé Luke. He is devout and pious – but what would happen if he found out her horrible truth? Would he still love her? Luke finds Vera’s past sins that he knows about difficult enough to deal with, but who can she turn to? Certainly not Luke’s mother, Lynn, who greets the news of their engagement with news of her own – she has cancer and there’s nothing to be done. Lynn struggles with the sight of Vera. She’s everything that Lynn never had – a career, beauty and most of all, something she can never get back – youth. So when Vera tells Lynn in an attempt to gain her confidence that she was pregnant once, Lynn automatically tells her church parish. But Lynn doesn’t know that’s only the beginning of Vera’s horrible truth. In the rejection of Vera, little does Lynn know she’s driven Vera back to the man who started it all…

The relationship between Vera and her future mother in law Lynn is awkward to watch. It’s full of every suspicion, guilt, missed opportunity and more. What’s worse is that Vera has no idea of Lynn’s jealousy (Luke was always her favourite child; her other son John is a bit ‘strange’ in ways she’s not keen to explore). Vera is desperate to atone in any way possible, even if that means looking after Lynn at home. Naturally, it doesn’t go well and Emily enters Vera’s life. The relationship between them is everything that Lynn’s relationship with Vera isn’t. Lynn becomes interested in Emily as a person and is eager to help her overcome her demons. It is through Lynn that the reader finds out what happened in Rwanda to Emily and there is a glimpse of the implications to Emily’s future.

After Before is a powerful, emotional and intense novel that will have the reader questioning their values. How terrible does a deed have to be before it’s unforgivable? What does faith mean? How do you atone for your sins? Should you forgive those who hurt you? Will having it ‘all’ really make a difference to a life? The reactions of the characters to different events is fascinating – some reacted exactly how I would have done, others acted in a way I could never have dreamed up. And the finale…wow! One episode has the impact to act on all of the other character’s lives – Emily, Luke, Vera and possibly Vera’s ex, Charlie. What will happen? My mind spins at the thought, but I know the future is not going to be the happily ever after for these characters. And how could it be? They’re flawed and complex, yet brave enough to deal with what life throws at them.

This is a beautifully crafted book; I really hope it goes on to make the Baileys Prize shortlist.

http://samstillreading.wordpress.com ( )

Emily is a survivor of the Rwandan genocide. Vera is newly engaged, a recent convert to her fiancé’s religion and a recovered addict. Lynn is dying, a bitter and resentful woman. These three distinctly different women’s lives are soon to become intertwined. Vera’s fiancé is Lynn’s son and Emily becomes Lynn’s carer.

Through the narrative we discover the afters and befores of each of these women’s lives. Emily’s story is by far the most compelling. She has watched her family die as friends and neighbours turned on them during the worst of times in Rwanda. She is trying to survive in London in a cold Council flat where she lives in isolation and fear. It is only through her relationship with Lynn, as she prepares to die, that Emily begins to live again. But it is hard to compare Emily’s story to the tales of Vera and Lynn.

Vera was a party girl, spending her days drinking, smoking, using drugs and sexually free. Now she is trying to live up to the high religious standards her fiancé purports to live by. Her difficulties staying on the straight and narrow did not endear me to her character, and neither did her religious fervour, which simply annoyed me.

Lynn is regretful for a life she might have lived if she did not marry, have babies and stay home to support her husband. She is a miserable and cranky old woman who does nothing to engender any love from her family. But when she finally accepts Emily and encourages her to open up and tell her story, she redeems herself somewhat.

Wayne writes in a very fluid and confident manner. Although the story moves back and forth through time and changes form one perspective to another, it was never confusing or grating. ( )

For the widow Lynn, her two sons John and Luke, as well as Lukes's fiancé, Vera, and Rwandan refugee Emily, happiness were abandoned a long time ago.

Secrets and hurt After Before, led them slowly and quietly into darkness. Mentally, emotionally, as well as physically, they were slowly dying because of the wounds from their respective pasts that were still mentally bleeding them dry.

Luke found solace in his dedication to Jesus. It did not matter how his insecurities or strong urge to control, reflected on other people. He was the responsible one; the decision maker, the one calling the shots.

John found his solution in theater and making people laugh.

Lynn had her valuable porcelain collections and her paintings behind a locked door. She gave up her dreams of becoming a historical fiction writer, to fit into her late husband Philip's world and raise her two boys. She secretly treasured her own ambitions and dreams, painting it all onto multiple-colored canvasses where nobody could see them behind the locked door of her studio.

Vera wanted her savior to be Luke. She wanted to start a new life after drugs, a tragedy, and a mentally abusive relationship with Charles. She wanted to be pure and good and keep her secret hidden from her family and fiancé. But the estrangement from her parents, her decision to become religious and her fear of losing Luke, brought her to a point where the silence became devastating.

Emily, the Rwandan Tutsi refugee, had to endure the truth behind her mother's words: you can outrun the things outside your body, but not the truth hidden inside it. Her lonely road deeper into hell was non-negotiable. She wanted to be left alone with her sorrow in her own silent world that deafened her.

" And all at once, there was an alternative" which none of them ever explored until terminal cancer was diagnosed in Lynn.

They were forced to open up the chest of darkness, exposing their inner turmoil to searing light. None of them was able to escape while time was running out. The resentment, hatred, insecurities and traumatic memories began their ascend towards light, towards real forgiveness and redemption.

This is a powerful, intense, introspective novel. One that leaves the reader in deep reverie and retrospection. Very well written. There were gentleness, and brutality; insecurity and grace.
I think of the concept 'emotionally charged' when I think back on the experience. A beautiful read. It is a book I would like to read again and can highly recommend it. However, the ending was too much of a cliffhanger in some ways, to really complete the emotional roller coaster ride. But still a very commendable read despite of it. The Rwandan genocide places this book in the historical fiction genre, since an important part of African history is highlighter in the book. I am, however, not sure if it was meant to be classified as such. But it was done brilliantly.

I want to thank Legend Press, through Netgalley, for the opportunity to review this book. ( )