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An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir de…
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An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir (edição: 2014)

de Phyllis Chesler

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15019180,890 (3.08)7
Few westerners will ever be able to understand Muslim or Afghan society unless they are part of a Muslim family. Twenty years old and in love, Phyllis Chesler, a Jewish-American girl from Brooklyn, embarked on an adventure that has lasted for more than a half-century. In 1961, when she arrived in Kabul with her Afghan bridegroom, authorities took away her American passport. Chesler was now the property of her husband's family and had no rights of citizenship. Back in Afghanistan, her husband, a wealthy, westernized foreign college student with dreams of reforming his country, reverted to traditional and tribal customs. Chesler found herself unexpectedly trapped in a posh polygamous family. She fought against her seclusion and lack of freedom, her Afghan family's attempts to convert her from Judaism to Islam, and her husband's wish to permanently tie her to the country through childbirth. Drawing upon her personal diaries, Chesler recounts her ordeal, the nature of gender apartheid--and her longing to explore this beautiful, ancient, and exotic country and culture.An American Bride in Kabulre-creates a time gone by, a place that is no more, and shares the way in which Chesler turned adversity into a passion for world-wide social, educational, and political reform.… (mais)
Membro:freckles1987
Título:An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir
Autores:Phyllis Chesler
Informação:Palgrave Macmillan Trade (2014), Edition: Reprint, Paperback, 256 pages
Coleções:Sua biblioteca
Avaliação:**1/2
Etiquetas:Nenhum(a)

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An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir de Phyllis Chesler

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Mostrando 1-5 de 19 (seguinte | mostrar todas)
Actually, the second part of Chesler's book, discussing the history of Afghanistan and the treatment of women in right-wing extremist Muslim countries was the better part of the book.

Although her husband tricked her into going to Afghanistan (she had no knowledge that she would be forced to follow the traditional covering and means of travel, or no travel for women, among other things, much like Betty Mahmoody in "Not Without My Daughter"), she still retains a relationship with her Afghani husband years later. He move to America in the early 2000s.

I felt her discussion, her wondering "aloud" about her husband's true understanding about how women were treated in his native country and how he could still continue to believe Afghanistan is good country for men, women and children (then why is he in the U.S.?) was distracting, and almost seemed like a torch-bearing exercise on Chesler's part.

Still, when she gets past those issues, the book provides in-depth information about what is was/is like to live that kind of restricted life, and what people, worldwide are trying to do to make conditions better for women in those countries, as well as countries like India. ( )
  schoenbc70 | Sep 2, 2023 |
For me, I thought it needed to be fleshed out more. I wanted more detail. More history of why things are this way. Where does it stem from? I’m sure that is a longer book though.

She was only there 10 weeks so I don’t feel like that is long enough to warrant an in-depth analysis of life there. That’s not to say that her experience isn’t interesting but I want to know more details. She does stray from her time there and write about a little bit about what has happened since to her since, the ex-husband, etc. So, I guess it tells a little about what life there was like but not a lot because she wasn’t there a long time.

She alludes to the fact that it is different now and I think we know that from the media. They are going backward in time and not progressing. Do they want to progress? Maybe a little bit as a culture they do but they can’t because of current leadership under the Taliban. I just don’t know. It’s a very interesting topic to me that I’ve always been fascinated with. I can’t even sometimes wrap my head around what these men are so afraid of in women that they want them to wear burqas and be uneducated and pregnant.

Another reviewer on Amazon had this to say and I agree:
The second part of the book speaks to more varied topics and discusses Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli thought, and discussion of Afghan culture from a feminist perspective. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler’s work, that’s probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler’s work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof. ( )
  WellReadSoutherner | Apr 6, 2022 |
I have a hard time with the term Memoir. It is a very brief period in the life of a Jewish woman married to a Muslim man. I do not know if the author is guarded about the details of her emotion or simply does not remember. She uses many literary references and writes often about the theater. Literary references are great when they are in context, but this is more like half her poorly recalled story and half a collection of essays quotes from other authors on the topic of Afghanistan, basically the observations of others over the centuries. These would be great if they were to perhaps explain the perceived views and personality of someone in her story or the culture differences that she encountered and felt were a result of a time in the history of the Afghan people, referenced for such purposes. It is instead relentless name dropping. We get it you have read many books about the experiences of others in Afghanistan, if I wanted to know what they thought, I would have bought their books. There is essentially no description of her own emotions or thought process while going through what are certainly profound experiences. It leaves the reader with no connection to the author because there is no personal emotional attachment in her story. The first time her husband hit her, what is she truly thinking? It is a mystery, I would assume that this is the moment where her one ally is gone and she feels that she is in serious danger. I would assume that the impact of the man she felt she loved deeply and who she though loved her just as much becoming the one to harm her would evoke profound emotion or disbelief. There is not of this. I literally read the line that contains "he hit me" and when back because I though I must have missed some pages. It does not say she was shocked or that she perhaps knew it was coming. She was in Afghanistan for 5 months, this is a short time span for a previously loving husband to become a abusive captor, yet there is no indication of the emotion, pain or disbelief that would impact most women. She actually comments on the stories of others she encountered in her travels, and the emotion that their stories evoked in her, but not in relation to her own experiences. To break it down, the book description quotes "Twenty years old and in love, Phyllis Chesler, a Jewish-American girl from Brooklyn, embarked on an adventure that has lasted for more than a half-century." She was in Afghanistan 5 months, her "adventure that has lasted for more than a half-century" is almost completely her life in New York after her return. She also can't ever clarify if she loved her husband prior to or during her marriage, she repeats that she wondered if she ever really loved him. Next description quote - "She fought against her seclusion and lack of freedom" in reality, she complained to her husband because she could not go and do the things she wanted. I do not mean to imply that being in seclusion is not devastating, but the term "fighting against" usually implies a constant and ongoing struggle for the greater good. She actually expressed that she could not go mountain climbing, sightseeing and shopping without being escorted. The last quote "Chesler nearly died there but she managed to get out" In the book this is the chapter titled "Escape". She got hepatitis and her father in law bought her a plane ticket and her family all went to the airport to see her off. She goes sightseeing on her layovers in Russia and Germany on her way back to America. Not really the picture of someone who just narrowly escaped death.
The best part of this book is getting a small glimpse of the compassion from members of her husbands family. It is rare to read a story of women in Afghanistan that depicts a understanding and recognition for a woman's suffering, and the acts of kindness coming from the men in Muslim men in the story. They are often depicted simply as monsters, certainly some are, but the majority who are good and loving are not usually recognized. It is great to see them acknowledged. ( )
  CanadianBookGal | Dec 15, 2020 |
As an eighteen-year-old undergraduate, Jewish-American Phyllis Chesler met fellow student Abdul-Kareem, a handsome and charismatic man from Afghanistan. Their relationship very quickly blossomed as they spent hours together, falling passionately in love whilst sharing their love of literature, music, foreign films and immersing themselves in American culture ... although one thing they didn’t discuss was religion! They married when Phyllis was twenty and she was looking forward to sharing an exciting and exotic lifestyle with him when, following a brief visit to Europe, they moved to Kabul in 1961 to live with her husband’s extended family. However, once there, he is barely recognisable as the Westernised man she married because he quickly slipped back into his misogynistic culture, a world in which women have absolutely no rights, no opportunities for independence, and must obey their husband at all times. Little wonder that modern, independent-minded Phyllis very quickly became deeply unhappy and was desperate to escape. However, as her American passport had been confiscated as soon as she landed in the country, and the American Embassy officials refused to help when she eventually turned to them for help, this was something which proved very hard for her to achieve and only became possible following a serious illness which left her close to death. With the surprising aid of her father-in-law, she was finally granted a six-month visa to return to America to recuperate … she never went back.
Although there were times when I felt the balance of this book was rather skewed, I found it a fascinating and thought-provoking account of the author’s experiences – a combination of memoir and a detailed exploration of the complex history and the numerous religious, political and social influences which have shaped Afghanistan over the centuries. Whilst some of her own experiences were truly horrific and brutal, it became clear that her passionate feminism, and especially her decades-long determination to give silenced Muslim women a voice, were all forged from those experiences, as too was her need to gain insight into what had motivated her to take such risks. Not only is her writing rather surprisingly full of compassion for her ex-husband and his family (she retains contact with them) but it is also scholarly in its examination of the influences which have led to escalating Islamism and the acts of terrorism which are directed not only at the West, but also at more moderate Muslims.
Now that I’ve finished the book I feel I have gained a far greater insight into the reality of the lives of women living in such oppressive circumstances, as well as the fears and physical danger they face on a daily basis. However, I’m left wondering just what can be done to make life better for all of them, not just the relatively few who manage to escape and who are helped to find their own voices. Phyllis Chesler’s voice is strong on their behalf, but a seismic shift in attitude is needed before such oppressed women can be in a position to experience the true freedom of self-determination. However, when any criticism of another country’s cultural mores is all too often deemed racist, people in the West are increasingly reluctant to voice these concerns and to demand change ... but we all need to ask ourselves why where women are born should determine what freedoms they should be entitled to? ( )
  linda.a. | Dec 5, 2019 |
Esta resenha foi escrita no âmbito dos Primeiros Resenhistas do LibraryThing.
This is an odd book. It had real promise in some areas, but that promise was not fulfilled. In the early 1960's Chesler fell in love with an Afghan man. Both were college students in New York. They decided to marry and travel the world, then settle in Afghanistan. The couple marries and has a brief European honeymoon. When they arrive in Kabul, Chesler quickly realizes that reality is far different from her expectations. She is trapped in a society built on strict gender and family hierarchies. She is required to subservient to men and other women in the family. Chesler's husband, a progressive intellectual in New York, or so it seemed, embraces local values and changes in his attitudes and treatment towards his now-wife. Upon arrival Chesler was forced to surrender her passport, and she finds herself with no means of escape.

This tale of Chesler's time in Afghanistan comprises the first part of the book. It is very hard for a 21st century reader to understand how she could move to an entirely foreign country, in a place that does not have a strong history of women's liberation, without, maybe, realizing it. Or, at least, looking into it. This is definitely an example of an impulsive college student mistake, albeit a big one, and there's only so much sympathy one can give to that. The bigger thing to realize, though, is that Chesler was only in Afghanistan for ten weeks. Her impulsiveness did not cost her years of her life. Knowing how short this "captivity" was, it's hard to take it as seriously as presented.

The second part of the book is more varied and more problematic. This section includes discussion of the history of Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli polemic, and discussion of Afghan culture from an second wave feminist perspective. Chesler was one of the leaders of the second wave feminist movement, and many of the critiques that have been waged against second wave feminism (that its perspective is generally white, middle/upper class, and intellectual) can certainly be waged against this book. Some of Chesler's conclusions are undeniably controversial. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. While I found some of her ideas interesting, there was so much going on in the second part of the book that nothing feels fully developed. And honestly, the discussion of 9/11 felt entirely out of place. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler's work, that's probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler's work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof. ( )
  lahochstetler | Aug 2, 2016 |
Mostrando 1-5 de 19 (seguinte | mostrar todas)
Imagine marrying the man you adore, only to find yourself locked away in an Afghan harem, where your sweetheart alternately ignores, insults, hits and sexually assaults you.
Then imagine that years later, long after you've contrived your escape to America and won an annulment, he flees his country and becomes one of your closest and dearest friends. This is the bizarre, almost unbelievable story that second-wave feminist leader Phyllis Chesler recounts in her memoir, "An American Bride in Kabul" — a book that is alternately enthralling (when she sticks to her personal experience) and irritating (when she wanders too far afield).
adicionado por avatiakh | editarChicago Tribune, Julia Klein (Sep 29, 2013)
 
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Few westerners will ever be able to understand Muslim or Afghan society unless they are part of a Muslim family. Twenty years old and in love, Phyllis Chesler, a Jewish-American girl from Brooklyn, embarked on an adventure that has lasted for more than a half-century. In 1961, when she arrived in Kabul with her Afghan bridegroom, authorities took away her American passport. Chesler was now the property of her husband's family and had no rights of citizenship. Back in Afghanistan, her husband, a wealthy, westernized foreign college student with dreams of reforming his country, reverted to traditional and tribal customs. Chesler found herself unexpectedly trapped in a posh polygamous family. She fought against her seclusion and lack of freedom, her Afghan family's attempts to convert her from Judaism to Islam, and her husband's wish to permanently tie her to the country through childbirth. Drawing upon her personal diaries, Chesler recounts her ordeal, the nature of gender apartheid--and her longing to explore this beautiful, ancient, and exotic country and culture.An American Bride in Kabulre-creates a time gone by, a place that is no more, and shares the way in which Chesler turned adversity into a passion for world-wide social, educational, and political reform.

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