3.5 stars

There is a LOT of information, trying to cover an extremely wide array of situations that one might find oneself in, and a lot of the advice ends up being similar. I like that the book isn’t just from the author’s point of view, she obviously took a lot of time to seek out others’ perspectives, finding oftentimes that different people can experience similar situations very differently. It continually underscored the need for a friend to just simply be a friend - pay attention, know who it is that you’re trying to help or comfort and just do your best.

A lot of the “don’t do this” advice seemed pretty obvious, but that’s ok, probably someone needs it to be spelled out, or who knows? Maybe one day I will shove my foot in my mouth and make an ass of myself in a sensitive time because we all have those moments. I really did appreciate some of the suggestions the author had for practical ways to show that you care and want to support a friend. As someone who has several friends of varying closeness going thru a variety of difficulties, it gave me some tangible ideas on how to love them and show I care. ( )

Amazingly actionable ( )

Advice and anecdotes on helping sick and grieving friends are divided by "interludes," short chapters about Pogrebin's personal cancer journey.

The author repeats what she says are the key things to remember when trying to understand how to be there for a sick friend: ask and act, tell the truth, and be willing to do what you offer to do. These seem like basics, but it's helpful to have them fleshed out with a few concrete examples and suggestions.

Pogrebin muddies her helpful advice in two ways. One is by including anecdotes that are in conflict with one another. One interviewee found a certain phrase to be comforting, while another found it offensive. Someone appreciated a particular offer of help and another person was depressed by the same offer. Perhaps by pointing out these differences, Pogrebin is reminding us that each individual has his or her own preferences and we need to be sensitive about determining what they are; but as I read them I ended up feeling discouraged, like there was no right thing to say or do because any of it could be offensive. The other way the author weakened her suggestions was by not offering specifics. For example, an instruction that seems true is to be intuitive about when to stay longer with a sick friend and when to leave. But for folks who aren't very intuitive, that advice needs to include some concrete help, like signs to recognize patient fatigue, perhaps.

There's also a good bit of name-dropping.

Though not related to why I picked up the book, I liked reading the personal interludes.

Skim the book for information relevant to your situation, but don't count on it as a bible for tending to your sick friends. ( )

How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick came to me just after I learned a close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Pogrebin’s stories are filled with compassion and helpful advice. They proved invaluable to me in supporting my friend. I highly recommend this book. ( )

Some helpful suggestions and humorous incidents from someone who has been both a friend and sick (with breast cancer). ( )