2021 review: It took me four years to be able to re-read this novel. I have gained a better understanding of romance novel structure and tropes and so on that have negated my dislikes in the review below, and have a better understanding of the psychology herein.

Still cried through the last few chapters. I might never read it again, but it was well worth this second, more knowledgeable, read.

***

2017 review: This novel starts out with a guy who's a little f*cked up, and that ramps up and escalates and gets worse and worse and then it gets complicated and by then I was thoroughly hooked and couldn't stop reading.

Now, the end I think goes on too long, but I don't care. And, I usually dislike books where the timeline's messed with. It's not my favorite part of this book, but I see why Lane did it. If you need stories with a core of sweetness, it's here. Buried under the mess. I'm smiling, even though my brain's been through a wringer. ( )

Chase's story is a real rollercoaster of emotions. Living with his secret is tearing him apart. Then Tommy comes into his life. Chase knows that Tommy is his future, but Chase has some painful decisions to make in order for that to ever happen. Dex from the first book, is like a big brother to all the guys at Johnnies. They need someone like Dex to combat all the ignorance that they have to face. I thoroughly sympathized with Chases predicament, I hate the fact that anybody has to live a lie, it's stories like Chase's that brings to the forefront the damage this can cause not only to the person who is conflicted but also everyone who loves them and is involved with them. Everyone seems to have a different opinion about Chase's behavior...more so than any of the other books in this series...but like books of any genera there will be some that love it and some that hate it. I was on the side that loved it. Like all of Amy Lane's stories, is beautifully written and I will give it a 5-star rating. ( )

***Update***
I removed my rating because I don't agree with the attitude of the author towards certain minorities. Sometimes I can separate the author from the story but with her I can't.

I will keep my review because other people can separate this or don't have a problem with the author. And maybe they will find it usefull. But everything I wrote about the author herself is no longer applicable.

*** Review***
I had a very long review in my head but it all boils down to this. I really liked it. It was real, it was messy, it was romantic and I cried lot's of times.


****WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT****

I almost didn't finished this book because, well I don't like cheaters. I really don't like cheaters who are in the closet and cheats (in my eyes) for no good reason. I'm so glad I did read on. I have to admit I did that because I liked the characters from Sock Man. You then read about Chase in passing. But in those few lines he showed a person who I wanted to know more about.

I always loved Amy Lane. But this book blew me away. It showed me that even when someone is flawed it doesn't mean he/she is a bad person. I forget that sometimes. I'm so glad she managed to reminded me of that fact.

Chase Summers has put together the perfect life. His girlfriend, Mercy, is perfect. Their relationship is perfect. And yet, Chase isn't happy. And his construction job isn't paying what he needs to give Mercy the life she deserves. So when he learns of a gay-for-pay porn website that is hiring--and pays well--he actually decides to give it a shot. After all, it's just for money, right?

When Chase meets Tommy Halloran, however, he has to admit that maybe he's not quite as straight as his "gay-for-pay" resume indicates. Tommy is a fellow performer, and while they never perform together on camera, they fall quickly into a romantic and sexual relationship that seems like it might provide them both exactly what they need. But Chase and Tommy both have demons to face. And Chase doesn't seem very willing to face his. He'll have to, though, if he wants to make it out of both of his relationships alive...

This is heavy. Heavier than you might expect from reading the blurb. It's not really angsty, but Chase is carrying some massive baggage with him that comes to a head in some pretty dramatic ways. But what's really inspiring in this story is the way that friends come together for each other and support each other when they need it--even if they've made some not-so-intelligent decisions to get into the situation in the first place.

Content warning: discussions of suicide and attempted suicide ( )

1.85 it's me,not the book stars

Warning Rant i call Review Ahead and Maybe Spoilers

Even Sean Crisden, couldn't save this for me.



Called it quits at 89%, i just couldn't take it anymore. The only character i felt sympathy for had to go and do a stupid thing to make me dislike her.. ummmm!



I have been trying to read this for a long time but i kept giving up, so when i saw there was an audio-book and the narrator is Sean Crisden, i decided to give it another try, clearly i failed in my attempt.



I still don't mesh well with this author's writing but i am not giving up yet.

Why i didn't love it

-Chase/Chance

The MC, i really didn't like him at all, couldn't connect with him, i was angry at him for his stupid choices and couldn't really understand those choices. He was a douche.(His words not mine. So basically Chase/Chance is gay, pretending to be straight (he has a girlfriend), decides to do gay for pay, have sex on camera for money with other guys to satisfy himself while the whole time pretending he is straight. He meets Tommy/Tango he starts a relationship with him, but still cannot break up with the girlfriend because of reasons that are really not reasons.



-The writing style was very confusing

One minute Chase is with his girlfriend, the next he is with Tommy having sex. I had to pause the audio, try again then rewind and see if i missed something.



This is where i got so pissed:

Mercy the girlfriend, IMO from the beginning she was a victim of Chase's stupid choices and cheating then, out of nowhere she was made the villian,we are told that she messed with the condoms and got pregnant like really? seriously? why not let the girl go in peace, lick her wounds after all; Chase cheated on her throughout the whole book. Why make her a bad person I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to punch something, but instead i decided to end the audio-book and breathe.



Going into this i expected some tear jerker and was ready to cry my heart out but instead i was just angry.



Note to self:When you read a book and the first 30% makes you angry please stop. Too many books too little time.

( )