Supervillains

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Hello, Mr. Stock! It’s so nice of you to... “drop in,” heh heh. SEIZE HIM!

Excellent. Now tie him to the Omega Device.

Mr. Stock, in just a few minutes the Omega Device will deploy and you will have the distinction of being the first person to be annihilated by it. But don’t feel despondent; you’ll be in good company, for most of the human race will join you soon after.

While I could have one of my lovely assistants kill you by simply shooting you, that seems so obvious. Besides, why waste a bullet on you when the Omega Device can dispatch you ever so much more elegantly? We’ll just leave you here and assume that you’ll die.

No, don’t bother trying to seduce my assistants, Mr. Stock; you’ll find they’re quite loyal to me. Fear keeps them in line. I recently made an example of one of them. On April 1, a certain person was supposed to start a discussion group on a library cataloging web site of which I am a member. That person failed to do so. This organization does not tolerate failure and the subordinate has been... disciplined.

And now I bid you Adieu, Mr. Stock. I have an engagement in my orbiting residence where I’m hosting a conference on the future of supervillainy. I’m chairing the session “Monochromatic Jumpsuits: Obsolete Fad Or Retro-Hip?” I hate to miss all the excitement here on Earth, but it’s unavoidable, I’m afraid. Good-bye.

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