Mary Beth Williams

Coming back to psychology after a trend of history etc. [N.B. Drafted awhile ago.] I do have childhood trauma, and I get intrusive memories, (and intrusive jokes happen internally, which is not pleasant); my life at certain points is very much like The Papers of A: A Fragment of Life, although in this case A has an intermittently resentful alcoholic mother, and a double dose of the father-son complex…. And it’s hard to forget how desperately I lived, no matter how careful I am today.

As for some sideways talk, I suppose depending on who you are, it might be easy to see therapy as not normal or whatever, and in truth I suppose that every system which is not purely and only descriptive is vaguely spiritual. (Even getting a monthly injection is a bit like a ritual, and the normals sometimes try to resist this, even when they need it.) But I do think this is general psych, not spiritual psychology, and I also think it’s nice often to have an understated, rational approach.

As for the advice, I tend to zoom in on my personal intergalactic drama, (jokes happen), and the exercise I liked was called dual awareness (there was another variant with another name too). Basically it’s that the memory is like a movie, and you have to zoom the camera out, a little bit—way out. Which makes sense, because I know when I’ve been happy, I’ve not thought my life so weighty.

It’s dual awareness because you’re aware of both the memory and this moment; I think it’s less demanding than Leonard Jacobson/Eckhart Tolle, who I think would be more, Just the present moment consciousness, and Not the ordinary thinking consciousness—which is irritating, because ordinary consciousness is intrusive. Maybe they’re not really like that, but Eckhart in particular is sometimes something of a grumpy mystic.

Dual awareness: “that great word And”.

And I know that my Jesus wants me to be happy.

…. So, ok, grumpy mystics are one thing—reading is a pleasure, after all—but it is true that ordinary thought, especially triggered by something, can be a problem: gee, lemme review my conduct fifteen years ago for no real reason because I’ve been exposed to youth culture again—or some other stupid thing.

I’ll just have to use visualization to ‘think’ of something bigger than my past conduct, like Planet Earth, or Jesus.

…. It’s like, nineteen times out of twenty, you say, These are the simple ideas, and the simple actions. But that one time you say, It is not all these little things; it is not all this. It is not all this, in the end.

Most times, you just eat your food. But sometimes, when life says, Eat! It’s time to eat!, you say, “I have other food to eat that you do not know about.”

…. I could go on and on about the Jesus angle, but they don’t, so. But one of the authors does note that she went to Latin America with her local church on a mission trip; she just doesn’t impersonate St John Rivers from Jane Eyre. “And then I shall crush you, crush you, punish you…. Oh, wait, were we doing a healing?”

…. I also prepared a little epigram, not religious but philosophical, about the common origin of fear and anger, but I won’t bother you with it, because I think when you take several paragraphs of abstract text and try to turn it into a little proverb, it risks being a little snobbish, and would probably just push you farther away from my view (which would be oddly appropriate since the epigram was about control).

…. There is a calm but firm point made about how specific and you know, legitimate feelings of guilt can at times be positive—you hurt people, you hurt yourself, even, etc. I think that kinda militates against the idea that, you know—

French girl: (blah blah blah) c’est le, le, —new age—, non? (dismissive hand gestures) Non, non. (dismissive hand gestures, shaking head).

I mean, sometimes a LITTLE common sense doesn’t have to be something you Run from, you know.

Sometimes you do have to see how you can be guilty so you can see how to be guiltless. I mean, I’d like to feel less guilt, sure, but guilt has also been my teacher, you know. It’s guided me through the process of making amends. Of course, it’s not like you ever finish making the world a Nice Happy Place, which is what making amends is.

But it gives you something to do with your time here.

…. It’s really a nice wisdom blend of new (subscribe to the suicide prevention newsletter if you have to), and so-called old-fashioned ideas (God knows how Popular they ever were—maybe in the future, assuming we don’t decide that pollution is an end in itself, lol), like, Wasting time as a form of self-harm….

Like there’s this Greta Gerwig movie, Nights and Weekends, where her character is, like, absentmindedly playing with a lighter, and it’s like, Girl, what are you Doin’….

…. In the next to last chapter, there are some nice epigrams, (which of these do you believe?), a Bible reference, and other religious and spiritual references, as well as, in the part about healing rituals, civic rituals such as the Oklahoma City bombing closure/honoring the victims (reading the names) ritual.

And in the chapter before that, there’s the veteran’s chapter. It’s significant that perhaps the first identified trauma was that of soldiers, and it is still a very common trauma today. Although this chapter is written with a combat veteran in mind (“when you were at war”, etc), I found it worth reading because, without being glib about the difference between military and non-military experiences, I think that one of the reasons why military stories are so valued, and why military personnel (theoretically) and military patriotism are so valued in many societies (including the USA, obviously), is that war does traumatize you much of the time, and trauma is not uncommon in people’s experiences generally. We don’t just use warriors and then forget about them, if we live the right way, not least because in healing the warrior, we heal ourselves.

…. “If you want to buy a new dress, don’t tell yourself you will do it after you lose weight. Buy it in the size that fits and wear it as soon as you can.”

“I’m not really a specialist in …. (And I don’t know French/Latin/Middle English), so I can’t read…. Or have an opinion about….”

There’s being responsible, and there’s making yourself miserable, and one does not have to lead to the other.

…. But basically, you got hurt, you get better, and so it goes, and no, that doesn’t make you a freak.… (mais)

Review by Family Resource Centre Volunteer, Jeannie:

Tell us what you thought about the book / title. How did the book make you feel? What did you learn?
This is a self-help comprehensive workbook. It defines PTSD as a “reaction to traumatic events that persists for a period of time over one month in duration, or if it occurs at least six months after the
event occurred. The impact and reactions experienced as a result are then described in great detail.It stresses the broad spectrum of this condition and how devastating it can be and highlights the varied reactions and triggers to it.

I found the book to be very eye opening and educating as I realized how complex an issue PTSD is. Also while reading it I could not read more than one chapter at a time as there is so much information
and interactive exercises that only so much could be absorbed at one time. It truly is a “workbook.” It is based in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and addresses specific traumas and how therapy can be
utilized in such a way that it specifically addresses the individual and their trauma. The explanations in each chapter are very detailed but clear and precise. It encourages completing the exercises manually after reading the details within each area.

It is a journey of self-discovery that would require a great deal of support from the reader’s therapist, family and friends. There is then a short area at the end of each chapter wherein the reader journalized what they have learned from that particular chapter.

What were some of your favourite parts in the book/title? What did you find the most useful? Why?
The layout is very good as it combines instructions and narratives in each chapter as well as very detailed exercises to be completed. The narratives identify and clarify PTSD and its various components and causes as well as the symptoms and the various tools that can be used in recovery. The exercises are very detailed and their purpose is to remember the trauma rather than avoid it. These exercises would be very therapeutic to a trauma survivor.

Each chapter is geared to a specific area of PTSD i.e. dealing with Category D symptoms; stress, trauma and the body and veterans returning from war to name a few, so it is very comprehensive. It is written by two authors who are experts in this area and who treat trauma survivors at world renowned treatment Centers, one based in the U.S. and the other in Finland so there is a worldwide perspective. Also the one who lives in Finland, Soili Poijula has actually developed post-trauma psychotherapy, thus the book has a high degree of credibility.

What was your least favourite aspect of the book/title? What do you think could have been better?
I would only recommend using this book if a person also has the support of a therapist. The authors actually state “you may need to find a therapist skilled in trauma treatment to help you do the work in this notebook and reestablish your sense of self.” I totally agree with this statement and would change the wording “you may need” to you will need.

Chapter three in particular deals with identifying and writing about what happened to you. In some instances this would trigger reliving the trauma and could further trigger a negative experience if not conducted in the proper safe environment or without intensive support.

I really feel that it would be too overwhelming for a person to tackle the exercises within the book on their own.

What inspired you to choose this title?
I had heard of PTSD but I knew very little about it. I realize now that it not only affects people having experienced war, but it also includes victims of sexual abuse, crime, accidents and other traumatic experiences. Also that individuals can react very differently to the same type of trauma. As a volunteer in the Family Resource Centre I wanted to educate myself on this topic to aid in recommending books on this subject to visitors.

How has your life (or the life of your loved one) been affected by reading this title?
I would say that after reading this book I am now better able to recognize the symptoms of PTSD in another person and also have a better understanding of what they may be going through.

What are some of your favourite quotes from the book / title?

• “Worry is a needless expenditure of energy that prevents happiness.”


• “Positive beliefs inspire positive emotions.”


• “You now know that the symptoms you experience in the present are related to the traumatic events you’ve experienced in the past.”


• “Nothing in recovery happens unless you make it happen. So what will happen if you continue to avoid? Nothing!”


• “When you learn to take more control over your triggers, the trauma loses some of its power and control over you. In controlling your triggers, it is important to plan ahead and find ways to deal with them before they occur.”

Would you recommend it to other visitors at the FRC?
Yes… (mais)