Dr. Tony Ferretti, PhD

The first thing that intrigues any would-be reader is not the catchy title of this book: “Change Your Life Not Your Wife”, but is its subtitle, which interestingly enough has been given a larger and more prominent font type on the cover. Although this reviewer would be less prone to include himself in the “success driven” category and therefore less likely to pick up this book for its subtitle, most people would readily admit to be aspiring for success or at least driven to it. What the authors try to point out is that the common personality traits that help people succeed professionally are typically the same traits that potentially cause turmoil in their personal lives (p. 3).

The authors – Dr. Tony Ferretti, a licensed psychologist, and Dr. Peter Weiss, a physician, make their case using a hypothetical couple going through their marriage crisis. Using lively prose, they illustrate how the couple’s individual personality traits and focus in life contribute to their marriage issues. Advices about marriage such as those that young people would receive at pre-marital counseling are covered early in the book (chs. 2, 3). The authors then turn to personality traits and particularly those that successful people are more likely disposed to, and how these traits, if not properly recognized and directed, could be detrimental to a relationship (chs. 4, 5, 6). Remedial advices are given in ch. 8, which covers topics such as conflict resolution, forgiveness, trust-building, and rebuilding intimacy. The book closes with two possible outcomes for the marriage of the authors’ hypothetical couple. Each outcome is dependent on the dispositions the couple takes as counseled subjects.

This book is a brisk and at times refreshing read on the subject of marriage and relationship. In an age where this subject entails much mush there is no ambiguity about where the authors stand. They use professional marital counseling as their backdrop throughout the book. In fact, one would find the authors too ready to sweep some martial issues under the counseling “rug” without delving much into details. Some success-driven people who are already in relationship troubles will find scant advices (ch. 8) in this book to change their lives unless they seek professional counseling.

The reviewer received this book under LibraryThing's Early Reviewers program. This review was written under no coercion or benefit whatsoever.… (mais)

Unfortunately, not much was new in this book. The standard communication advice for couples is clear and helpful, but not unique and rather obvious. In particular, the attitude of the book is off-putting: if you're a Type A personality, it won't work in your marriage (this may or may not be true ... many people are driven to succeed in relationships just as much or more than at work) and if you are, stop it.

I couldn't imagine sharing this book with anybody who really is aware of having a driven personality. While the case study approach can be helpful, the cases did not present sympathetic couples. I've had my issues with being "too driven", but I couldn't find much to learn here except perhaps to feel bad about myself.

Recommended for people who already want to change their lives, not their wives [it pretends to be written for both sexes, but it isn't] and for those who identify with being success-driven and will be pleased to be told to stop. Otherwise, I'd pass.

Two stars for helpful advice in early chapters.… (mais)

This eye-catching, thought-provoking title, "CHANGE YOUR LIFE, NOT YOUR WIFE: Marriage Saving Advice for Successful Driven People", I have to say that this book came into existence a day too late for some millions unaccountable broken hearts and lives, and billions of Dollars (or whatever currencies) to spare in this century of divorce. Written in more of an academic and research approach with case studies and clinical diagnosis (both behavioural and psychological) by a psychologist and a physician who have counselled many couples in their professions, together have written this book about divorce and what they saw in their practices, "Divorce is everywhere. Especially among high-achieving, success-driven professionals, who may leave a trial of broken relationships in their wake." This goes both ways, vice versa with men and women who are success-driven, high-achievers in their works, but failing at home and destroying families as they go through lives. Some, not once, but twice, thrice, fourth... divorce!! Repeating the cycle over again and again with different people and families, supposedly was better than the last.

If you are facing divorce, and it seems inevitable and seems to get nearer and nearer everyday. Not ready for counselling with professional and all that, but feel you have to start doing something to save or salvage whatever left? Want to take that "first step", say sort of "self help", "Do-it-yourself (FIRST)"? I personally think it won't hurt to get yourself this book and read it with open mind, although I don't need it but if I had a friend or someone whom I care about who is facing divorce, I would recommend this book to the person. The least you could do for yourself is read this 174 page book, educate yourself, you might just learn something valuable from reading it. Who knows, it just might help play the role as that first step to save your livelihood and family? Although this book isn't meant to be the "Do-It-Yourself" or "Self Help", and voila, your problem solved, but rather recommend it as a guide into that first step to self realization and acceptance (so many are in denial) with oneself and one's situations with open mind and non-bias and see whether one falls into such pattern of behaviour(s) and situation(s) as analyzed and pointed out by the authors who are licensed professional in medical fields. Hey! A cheap ($14.95 = price of this book) preliminary counselling can't hurt, I say.… (mais)