Janet Lansbury
Autor(a) de No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
About the Author
Obras de Janet Lansbury
Associated Works
Etiquetado
Conhecimento Comum
- Outros nomes
- Johnson, Janet Louise (birth name)
Julian, Janet - Data de nascimento
- 1959-07-10
- Sexo
- female
- Nacionalidade
- USA
- Local de nascimento
- Evanston, Illinois, USA
- Locais de residência
- New York, New York, USA
Los Angeles, California, USA - Ocupação
- model
actor
parenting teacher - Relacionamentos
- Gerber, Magda (mentor)
Membros
Resenhas
You May Also Like
Associated Authors
Estatísticas
- Obras
- 2
- Also by
- 1
- Membros
- 249
- Popularidade
- #91,698
- Avaliação
- 3.6
- Resenhas
- 7
- ISBNs
- 3
For example, she is against using shortcut phrases like "use your inside voice". She thinks they are condescending and you would never use them with adults. However, as a manager, I can say that if there is an adult that you are in a mentoring relationship with, and you've discussed an area for improvement before, then you might well use such shortcuts. Hopefully, most adults don't need to be told to be quieter, but a look between a manager and a team member who tends to dominate meetings is the same sort of shortcut.
Another example is that she thinks distraction is terrible. While I generally agree with her, I think it's more nuanced. Yes, interrupting an argument with "here, mop the floor" (her example) would be rude, but taking a break and doing something distracting for a few minutes can help us regain control of our emotions. The same technique can be effective with children if it's used as a way to gain emotional distance, not just as a way to avoid confronting problematic behavior. Also, she presents the line between distractions (bad!!!!) and presenting alternatives (good!!!!) as being much less fuzzy than it really is.
I also dislike the way Lansbury confuses boundaries and leadership with power and authority. She frequently says that children want to know that their parents are the ones with power, not them. I think that phrasing this in terms of power struggles is harmful. Children need consistently enforced boundaries, but making it about power focuses on obedience for obedience sake -- "because I said so" -- rather than on teaching children to internalize boundaries and apply them even when there is no authority figure to enforce compliance.
On to the things that I do like. I like the emphasis on respecting children as people. I like that she points out the ways in which toddler pushing boundaries is developmentally good. I like the emphasis on involving children and offering them autonomy. I like the use of direct, unambiguous language: "I won't let you..." instead of "why don't you stop...". I like the emphasis on setting limits and consequences early -- before you get angry and make unreasonable demands -- and then following through. I like the way she assures parents that something being distressing or inconvenient for the parent is a valid reason to ask for a behavior change.
I want to unpack that last one a little. Lansbury emphasizes that children should have opportunity to explore and try things. Parents taking their feelings into account is not about them shaping the child's life so as to be convenient for the parent. But if you spent 20 minutes folding the laundry, it's ok to tell your child not to unfold it, even if there's not material harm. If a technically harmless behavior is annoying enough that you feel yourself losing your cool, then it's ok to tell the child to stop. As Lansbury points out, part of responsible parenting is teaching children to be successful relationship partners, and that involves dealing with the ways their behavior causes problems for others.
I suspect that some of the things I dislike about the book would be improved if this were not a member of the genre of blogs converted to books without significant restructuring. A more principled presentation of the values she espouses would make it clearer what's an opinion and what's core. That said, there are some things, such as the power/authority emphasis, that I think are fundamental problems. Fortunately, in practice, the advice she gives would not be substantially changed by phrasing it in terms of boundaries rather than power.… (mais)