Joshua D. Jones

I read this book for the Christian Books Only Group. I don't like to give a fellow Christian author such a low rating but I feel that this book could be dangerous especially for Christian's who are in confusing situations already as they may use it to justify remaining in those situations instead of getting out of them.

The basic assertion of the author is that Christians can have mixed gender friendships whether married or single. I agree with this. BUT the author develops this by describing intimacy in friendships through sharing deeply with others and spending time alone with persons of the opposite gender. He even speaks about using these friendships to improve a marriage by gaining different perspectives rather than confiding in a spouse. Most of the references in the book are secular rather than Biblical and the history documented quotes secular sources as well.

What about verses like "Always be careful to do what is right in the sight of everyone." If Christian's choose to place personal boundaries on their friendships either because they are married and want to protect their marriage or because they are struggling with temptation or just in an attempt to be wise/protect others then surely this is a good thing that should be encouraged. The author uses Bible verses out of context to describe these boundaries as sinful suggesting that this is not the way that God wants us to relate to each other...this is dangerous.

As a man it seems the author is forgetting that most women form their connections through conversation which lead to emotional connections/attachments. Even if it seems at first to be safe territory it is almost guaranteed that the enemy will intercept such attachments and deepen them over time resulting in people becoming trapped and unable to make wise choices. Surely it is better to avoid these situations completely than risk a marriage/individual purity.

It's less of an issue for singles although even then and even in Christian circles men subconsciously (or consciously) usually tend to talk to women they find attractive. You don't generally see Christian men making a bee line for the nearest unattractive woman and seeking to form deep bonds of friendship with her. If this happens there is usually another agenda on the part of the man. Women are more likely to talk to anyone and everyone. But more often than not in these friendships feelings develop on one side or the other and one person will get hurt. Shouldn't we be protecting each others hearts and minds?

It sounds as if the author has never been in one of the situations he is so keen to advocate or at least has never been in one that went wrong. These situations creep up on us as Christians and can cripple us and our walk with God and if in ministry can disqualify leaders from future ministry. Why risk that?

The Bible speaks of a way of escape from temptation but it is also clear that it is better not to place ourselves in situations of temptation in the first place. This is a danger zone and too many Christian's make the mistake of walking along the danger line; seeing how close they can get to sin without actually crossing the line rather than staying well away from the line and pursuing holiness. Walking danger lines always eventually leads to sin and for married persons devastation and potential disqualification from ministry.

The author dismisses all of the boundaries that Church leaders and others have suggested over the years as unnecessary and even states that they are sinful. Why does he think these boundaries have been put there? Is it not because people have fallen into sin. Are not we all susceptible to the same weaknesses and temptations? It is arrogance to believe that our Christian walk will somehow be different and that we can tread danger lines safely and that God will bless us in this.

I don't recommend this book for Christian's as I believe the advice contained is unwise and even dangerous in places...



… (mais)